Monday Weigh In

Happy Monday, all.  This week’s Monday weigh in is….odd.  The scale has not moved up or down.  I stepped on it this morning and I’m still 182.8.  Well, at least I haven’t gained.

Quick update on life out here – my aquafit classes are finished and was bummed to hear that the aquadome will be closed until September for renovations.  Is nothing sacred?

Segway (or is it segue?), If you know anything about Montreal, you know that Summer out here is what we call the Construction Festival.

Our moron of a mayor has taken it upon himself to ok the tearing up of just about every inch of the Decarie expressway and borough streets this side of the island.  I’ve never been to Iraq but can show you pics that would make you believe I’m living in a war torn middle eastern country.

Traffic has been horrendous, parking non existent in some areas and blue collar workers are being pushed to their limits with respect to hours and wages.  So, naturally, they strike.  It cost our fair city $45 million per day for a seven day strike last week before a back to work legislation was passed.

Here’s what the handy work of pissed off construction workers looks like.  Yes, they actually paved AROUND a car.  Oh and don’t all those orange cones just blend so well into the scenery?  They are EVERYWHERE folks.  It’s a freaking nightmare.

Construction  Anyhoooo….a lot has happened out here.  My family life is on the rocks once more.  Last week was brutal emotionally and was feeling depressed over it.  I barely had any energy and stayed away from blogging.  Shame on me.  More info to follow on that.  Must start the day.

Happy Monday all!

Sucker for Punishment?

The short and quick answer to that is “yes”.  So, after my little DIY furniture upcycling was completed on Saturday, I finally had a minute to sit down and enjoy the fruits of my labor.

It was hard work, turning a dark espresso stain dresser into a crisp, clean, white vision of beauty.

white dresser

 

I was pretty content, but then this funny feeling came over me.  This has happened a couple times now.  The only way I can express it is to say that it felt like something was missing.

I’ve been single for a while now and honestly, it never bothered me. I’ve always got some project on the go, or volunteering my time to kids at church, doing my thing on the decorating committee, or just spending time with friends and family.

I was sitting in my living room, admiring my surroundings.  A lot of thought and consideration went into every item in there; it took me months to find the perfect coffee table.

WIN_20170521_204558

In the quiet of my contentment, this thought ran through my head, clear as a bell:  “You know Chrissie, at some point you’re going to run out of projects and you’ll have to face the reality that it’s time you take care of matters of the heart before it’s too late”.

Woah….epiphany or what?  Merriam Webster offers this definition of that a-ha moment.

  • 3a (1) :  a usually sudden manifestation or perception of the essential nature or meaning of something (2) :  an intuitive grasp of reality through something (such as an event) usually simple and striking (3) :  an illuminating discovery, realization, or disclosureb :  a revealing scene or moment.

Oh, it was a revelation, all right.  I was/am dumbfounded.  The truth of why I’m always on the go just kind of snuck up on me. It is time that I focus my energy at meeting someone.  My tried and true excuses did their best to push their way to the surface.  “No! You’re not ready!” and “Wait until you reach your goal weight.  Then you can try.  You probably won’t be successful though.” and of course, the classic “Aren’t you getting a little long in the tooth for this?”

Here’s the thing, I realized that if I wait for the perfect time, it may never happen.  So, I’m back on the online dating wagon.   This time around though, I’m going about it like every other project in my life; with patience, reseach, thoughtfulness, effort and a positive attitude.  I won’t give up until I’m happy with the end results.

I believe in God’s perfect timing in all things.  Here’s what that looks like – it comes at a time when least expected, all pieces just kind of fall into place naturally, like it was meant to be.  Picture a combination lock if you will.  You know that feeling in your hands when you’re turning the dial, and you feel that tension in the wheel just before you hear the “click” and then your lock is open?  That feeling.

Having started this blog has been an incredible eye opener for me on so many levels.  My creativity is at an all time high.  I am feeling good about myself again.  Most importantly though is that I feel hopeful.  You know that feeling when you’re anticipating something good and it happens?  I wake up now every morning with that feeling.

So, like a butterfly, I’m a work in progress with lot of changes happening.  Can’t wait to see the end results!  Thanks so much for reading and supporting me.

 

 

 

Monday Weigh-In

Happy Monday, all!  So I stepped on the scale this morning and….I lost! Official weight: 182.8. Woot woot!  That’s more like it.

It’s a holiday weekend here and I spent most of it refinishing a dresser I just could not bear to part with.  It was very labor intensive, ate up most of my weekend, but now it is finished and I’m super happy with it.  Quality products are definitely worth it.  I’m sure I can get a few more years out of this dresser. It has such a nice clean, crisp look to it now.  There’s something about white furniture in a bedroom that is so soothing for me.

Gotta run, heading out to mom’s for a little visit.

 

Monday Weigh-in

I’ve started making excuses before I even step on the damn scale.  Brunch on Saturday morning, a big helping of pasta later in the evening, followed by lunch out for Mother’s day and two of the best mini cupcakes I’ve ever tasted in my life.  Seriously, like tiny morsels of heaven in your mouth.

Drum roll please…..184.4.  F*ck! I’m up 2.2 pounds.  Well, that pretty much confirms that I HAVE to track my points.  Winging it just does not work for me.  The weird thing is I actually feel a little lighter, and my clothes are starting to feel a little less snug.  My legs have even slimmed down a little.  I can SEE it in the mirror.  How is that possible?  No fair!!!

I really kicked it at the gym, too.  This always seems to happen.  Why do I start to get heavier on the scale yet smaller in my clothing, even after only a couple of workouts?  It’s so discouraging.  Working out gives me more energy and I feel better, but get heavier.  There’s no way I can be building muscle that quickly.  There’s no way my food choices were that bad.  Right? HHhhm…I’m perplexed.

Let’s see what next week brings.  Excuse me, I have to go track that gulp of air I just took in.

I’m No Marshall Mathers, But I’m Cleaning Out My Closet Anyway

Holy holy holy crap.  Why on earth did I think this was a good idea?  I’ve been feeling good-ish about my eating and exercise this week.  I was looking forward to stepping on the scale Monday morning and posting my weight.  Now I’m terrified.

I decided to do a bit more de-cluttering and re-organize in my wardrobe.  There’s stuff in there that I’ve had forever.  I kid you not – about 90% of my stuff no longer fits.  How long has it been since I’ve gone shopping?  Clearly, way too long.  What the heck have I been wearing anyway?  I’ve got some really cute tops that I’ve been holding on to for “when I lose weight”.  Well, out they go.  Turns out I’m not really all that attached to them anyway.

I made a deal with myself that for new articles of clothing I bring in, something old has to go.  The thought of it panicked me at first, but it’s actually a huge relief to let go of stuff that I just don’t care for anymore.  It certainly makes getting ready a whole lot easier when my closet isn’t jam packed and I’m practically breaking my arms trying to maneuver  clothing around.

Still though, it does stress me a bit that the sizes have gotten bigger, but the upside is that it’s giving me an opportunity to look a bit more stylish and I’m having fun shopping. Even if I don’t actually buy anything, it’s a great learning experience.  I’m seeing what does and does not work on my body type.  For too long I hid behind “safe” choices.  It’s ok for bigger girls to look fashionable too.  It took me a long time to embrace that.  Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes.

However, I don’t want to buy too many pieces because the goal is to lose weight without going broke in the process.  Enter the capsule wardrobe. Have you heard of this?  It’s genius.  Its based on the concept that you only need about 37 articles of clothing per season.  Less really is more.  Think also, less laundry, less money spent, less stress in the morning.  Don’t take my word for it, check out Caroline Rector’s blog at Un-fancy.com and she’ll walk you through the ins and outs of it.

Have you been guilty of holding on to clothing that just don’t work for you anymore?  If so, I urge you to take the plunge and get rid of it!  Pretty please, just don’t toss it to the curb though.  Our landfills are not getting any smaller, and if you take a couple minutes out of your day and drop your cast offs to your local goodwill or thrift shop, you’ll be making a huge difference in someone else’s life and to Mother Nature.

Happy Sunday, all!

‘Sup Fatty?

Hello all.  It’s been a super crazy busy couple weeks and I’ve barely had a minute to myself.  I feel as though I’ve slipped into a black hole that is void of this awesome blogging community.

So, I think it’s time I fess up about the weight loss thing.  I haven’t been paying much attention to it, quit going to WW meetings, stopped tracking and pretty much talking about it.  Which is lame, because the whole reason I started this blog was to record my journey to a healthier weight.

Today I am divulging information that is mortifying to me.  My weight.  I’ve avoided it, but figured if I go public with it, then I have the accountability factor as motivation.

It’s not all bad news, though.  Seeing as how this is my version of motivation Monday, I’m happy to report that I’ve lost a couple pounds!

Here is it….my start weight was 187.4.  Nobody believes me when I tell them (or do they?), but the numbers do not lie.  I don’t know, maybe I’m a bit more on the muscular side, maybe I’m big boned (does that even exist?), but that’s the truth.

When I stepped on the scale this morning though, I was down to 182.8.  Yay!  I know it’s small potatoes, but it’s a step in the right direction.

Oddly enough, my motivation has been….shopping.  I go into the shops where I would love to buy my clothes and force myself to try stuff on.  I usually leave pretty frustrated, but that is enough to make me stay on course and pay more attention.

My level of activity isn’t quite where I’d like it to be, but now that the rain has hopefully stopped (it’s been pouring non stop out here for about three weeks), I can start talking walks along the river in the evenings.  So far I’ve been going to aquafit classes every Monday and last Thursday I went to the gym for the first time in about a year.

Another thing I’ve done is stop obsessing about the scale.  I no longer step on it every day. Moving forward, it will be Mondays only, and I promise to post whatever it shows.  I guess I should post a “before” pic.  I’m still thinking on it, I’m incredibly camera shy.  I might attempt it this weekend and post it with next week’s weigh in.

Happy Monday, all.  Hope you find something that motivates you too.

Male Fat Shaming

Monday nights are all about aqua fitness.  I swear I’m part mermaid; love love love being in the water. There’s something about jumping into a pool that just bring out the kid in me.  Bobbing and floating with the greatest of ease is so much fun.

My friend and I must have worked out harder than we realized because last night we were both really sore.  Pretty much everything hurts right now.  I think my eyelashes might be hurting too.

Let’s be honest here, the reason most (heavier) people enjoy aqua fitness is because of the zero impact on knees and feet when splashing about.  Ok, fiiiine, it’s also about feeling light as a feather.  It’s been a while since I’ve been able to say that.

Out of the corner of our eyes, we saw one of the few males in our class.  He was having a grand old time, splashing and making others laugh.  He was sporting a big porn star era ‘stach, aviator style prescription glasses and a big big belly.  You know the look, I’m sure.

That’s when I realized that I hold men to a higher standard when it comes to physical fitness.  Crazy, right?  For some reason, I think it’s more “acceptable” for women to be fat.

Trust me, I know how awful this sounds.  When I see a woman who is heavy, I assume a couple things along the line of : post baby fat, eating disorder, low self esteem.  It’s not unlike me to look at a woman carrying extra weight who is nicely dressed, made up and coiffed and think “wow, she looks amazing”.

When I look at a man who is too heavy, I think “dude, you’ve just totally given up on yourself.  You’re a mess.  Do something about that, stat.”  I’d even go as far as saying I tend not to take him seriously as a man.  I see him as weak, borderline effeminate.  If he can’t take care of himself, how could I ever count on him to be my rock when I need his strength?”

Woah…..where did this type of thinking originate from?

Now, before anyone starts throwing rocks at me, consider the following.  Could it be that I have lower standards for women (especially myself) as opposed to higher standards for men?  Maybe that is why I have always had difficulty sticking to a weight loss program.

My friend’s hubby lost 100 pounds this past year.  He looks absolutely fantastic.  I’m so happy for him. Think about it – 100 pounds.  That is super hard work and dedication. He did it.  I knew he could.  When it comes to me and my attempts at losing about 50 pounds, I’m overwhelmed and life’s every day ups and downs set me back.

This transformation journey is more than I expected it to be.  It’s not an easy or quick fix. Everything is changing; my mindset, my routine, my expectations, my limits, my choices. I think this “a-ha!” moment has finally unlocked what’s been holding me back for far too long.

What say you?  Be honest – what goes through your mind when you see a heavyset man vs a woman?  Do you judge one more critically than the other as I have unknowingly done?  Talk to me!