The weirdest thing happened yesterday. I think I had a bit of an epiphany. I was on my way to a Meetup outing that I had paid for in advance a couple months ago. I went shopping on my lunch hour to pick up a little something new to wear. I finished work, went home, had a bite to eat and then slowly started getting ready.
Here’s the thing. I have serious time management issues. I procrastinate. A lot. I have noticed that I am seldom on time to anything. I look forward to going somewhere, but when it comes time to leaving the house, I wait until the last minute. What happens next is me white knuckling it the entire drive to my destination.
Why do I put myself through this every single time? I just don’t understand it. Friends and family have been more than kind and gracious towards me, but honestly, there is no good reason to live this way.
So, getting back to yesterday. Of course I didn’t take the time to map out the drive there, of course I fucked up punching the address in the GPS on my phone and it had me driving around in circles….back home! Ugh! I then pulled over and punched the address out correctly.
I should have taken the subway, but just wanted the comfort of my car. The outing was in a seedy part of town and didn’t want to risk the commute back home at a late hour. So I finally made it to the destination at exactly 9:00pm. Problem? Now I had to find parking. Good luck, moron!
What did I do? I drove right past the place and headed back home. For a second time. I berated myself every step of the way.
Why do I keep doing this? I just don’t understand it. It’s like I have this rebellious side to me that bucks at having to follow any kind of schedule, or to be accountable for my time. I need to stop this. I need to look deep inside and figure out what the hell is going on with me to never be able to make it on time anywhere.
I think part of it is that I over-book activities. Work is so stressful and consumes so much of my head space and I always have to be “on”. Being at home and enjoying my surroundings feels like a guilty pleasure these days.
I have half a million projects on the go, and have zero time to finish them. Jack (or Jane) of all trades, master to none. Loose ends all over the place. I hate that I live that way. Life needs to become simpler. Maybe that is the solution.
So, moving forward, I will do my damnest to focus on one thing at a time. I will set alarms to remind myself to get going and focus on that only. I need to experience the feeling of starting and finishing something in its entirety before moving on to something else.
Ok, that being said, I have to get ready for an 11:30 a.m. hair appointment. I need to do the following;
- get off the internet
- iron my shirt
- take my shower
- drive there.
Sounds simple enough, right? Not if you live in my head. The likelihood of about a million distractions between me getting up and heading to the door are very high.
Do you know anyone who is always late? How does it make you feel about them? I’d love to hear your comments.
Wish me luck! I really do need to get a handle on this and start acting like an adult.