Saw a Great Comedy Last Night

My lovely peeps! Have I ever mentioned in passing how much I love going to the movies?  Tuesday night cheapie movies have always been high on my list of stuff that makes me happier than a bird with a french fry.

It’s such a great way to start off the week.  Mondays are a write off, I’m pooped from my first day back.  Going to a movie on a Tuesday is a little like flipping the bird to the work week/daily grind.  It’s like saying “hey, look at me, not caring that I have to get up early in the morning and that my dinner is popcorn and a bottle of water”.  I’m a rebel, I tell ya.

So getting back to the actual movie.  It was hilarious!  A real knee slapper.  The only trouble is, it wasn’t a comedy.  It was The War of The Planet of The Apes….

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Buzzwords for “crap movie”

 

Oh!..the over acting, the cheesy lines, the lack of originality in the plot.  Do not get me started on Woody Harrelson.  That should have been my first tip off that it was going to be a real stinker. That man cannot act. At all. Remember when he played that half wit on that sitcom Cheers?  Well my friends, I don’t think that acting dumb bit was much of a stretch for him.

Every time his goofy mug showed up on screen, I braced myself.  It was seriously cringe worthy.  I finally lost it after he yelled “SO EMOTIONAAAAL” to an ape.  I burst out laughing and turned to my friend.  “Ready to go?” I asked.  “Yep” was her reply.

First time I ever walked out of a movie theater.  You know it’s a hot mess when I do that.  Gladly, it was only $6 for the entrance.  Still, I could have been doing better things….like plucking my eyebrows or brushing my cat.  For reals.

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Dude, why? Why did you think this movie was a good idea? Why?

 

Knobs – They’re Not Just For Doors.

I’ve been holding my tongue on this for a couple weeks now, but just can’t do it anymore.

A friend of mine has started dating again after an extended hiatus in the land of singletons.  When I heard this, I was super happy for her.  Truth be told, it gave me hope. Love post 40’s is not easy to find, my friends.

Let me give you a little background info on my pal.  We met through work over 10 years ago.  Since then she has moved to two different provinces, has held down a job with the government (which paid a pittance) and is one of the hardest working, professional, independent people I know.

When she moved to a small town in the Maritimes to be closer to her family, I was sad to see her go, but relieved that she would be near her kin.  Truth be told, I felt she was spending a little too much time focusing on her cats (shocker!) and on the internet, self diagnosing every little ache and pain.   Don’t get me started on the gluten free spree she was on, either.

She had a hard time finding work, but her efforts finally paid off.  She landed a position within the city’s legal system and finally starting to make a half decent living.

Well well!  Apparently she has been the belle of the ball at her new workplace.  One guy in particular has taken a shine to her.

At first she was hesitant to his invitations to go out, but I encouraged her to go for it.  She kept putting the guy off, wanting to wait until the weekend.  Apparently she does not go out on a school night.  Cheese and rice, girlfriend, you’re not getting any younger.  Throw out your tired old rule book and kick up your heels for once.  Playing it safe all the time is bo-ring!

So she accepted a date with him.  Now, here’s where the red flags start to slowly pop up. He would come in to her office every single day to firm up some minutiae detail of the upcoming Friday night date. Okay.

Then he would ask her every day if she was available for lunch.

So on the Thursday afternoon, she caved and went out for coffee.  Then later in the evening she sent me a text saying they went out after work.  I mistakenly thought they had rescheduled, but no.  This was a pre-date.

He changed their dinner and movie plans to go to a wrestling event.  That he won. Because that is the perfect first date.  Said nobody. Ever.

Apparently, on their pre-date, he showed her his tattoos.  He has a ….wait for it..DRAGON tattoo.  How original! Said nobody. Ever.  Then there’s the tattoo of a train that runs from one bicep, across his back and onto the opposite arm. Don’t even ask, the reason behind that is too lame to repeat.

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Wanna see my tats?

I was reading her texts and out of my mouth flew “oh what a colossal knob”.  Who takes off their shirt on the firs date…correction pre-date?

The day after their first date, all of a sudden, my very private friend has changed her FB status to “in a relationship”.

Since then he has been doggin’ her FB page day and night.  He’s the first to comment on any post up there.  That is, when she can actually posts herself.  He does it all for her.

Out for breakfast with P.  Out for lunch with P.  What a beautiful day to have dinner with P.  Going for a walk with P.  I think of P day and night, every second of the day.  At the spa with P.

I’m just waiting for that post that reads “pinning P’s knees behind her ears”.

He reminds me so much of a former boyfriend who turned out to be a controlling lunatic.  I had to say something to her.  I was/am concerned.  She has been single for over 10 years and I think she is so craving attention that she has blinders on.

When I spoke to her about it, I cautioned her; if he introduces his kids into the mix too soon, run like hell.  That means he has been throwing his kids in there with everyone else he is dating and is a huge red flag.  Oh yes yes, she concurred. She agreed with me 150%.

The following week, he posted pictures of them out…..with his kids. Dude….

Speaking of the pics, in every single one of them, he is holding on to her like she’s being held captive.  Girlfriend, blink if you need help.  Now he’s posting pics of them smooching because we are all on the edge of seats wanting to see that.

He has now officially declared that he wants to meet her parents…..BAHAHAHAHA!  I swear, I’m not making this stuff up.  Clearly, Deputy Dufus has not progressed since high school.

The cherry on the sundae though, was a post he put up on her wall, letting us all know how he can’t wait until Friday night, cuz it’s movie night with his girlfriend and his “besties”.

Okay, can we talk?  If you were a high school girl, that would be adorable. However, you are not.  You’re a man in his 50’s.   You just made it weird.  I think it’s pretty safe to say at this point that the fact that you are licensed to carry a firearm for work is truly mind boggling.

Life in a small town…..this is the most awkward thing I’ve watched in a while.  Given this, I look at my single life and think “careful what you wish for, Chris”.

Staycation Days 11-15 (Monday -Friday)

Happy Monday to all!  Well, like the old saying goes, all good things must come to an end. My staycation is officially over and now its back to the grind.

I’m okay with that.  Although I’m not looking forward to seeing how many emails are waiting for me, I welcome the routine and catching up with my colleagues.

 

Here’s a condensed version of what last week looked like.  Monday I headed out to Mont Tremblant for the 24th Annual Blues Festival.  I am so glad I went.  It’s so lovely out there.  The hotels in the village are nestled in the mountain.  Picture if you will a 360 degree view of lush greenery and mountain peaks and cobble stone streets.  It looked a little like a cross between Switzerland and New Orleans French quarter.

It was my first time at the blues fest.  The act I wanted to see live was Angel Forrest.  She is amazing.  I also “discovered” two new acts; Godboogie and Brody Buster.  Their tunes are now securely downloaded to my iPod. Love it.

My hotel was amazingly awesome for a three star.  In fact everything there was super clean.  The area has a distinct chill vibe to it.  It’s a favorite for hikers and ski bums/bunnies.

The drive back home on Tuesday morning left me feeling a little blue (no pun intended).  It was a mix of wishing I could stay longer and just wanting to go home.

Tuesday was spent just chilling at home and catching up to PVR’d episodes of 20/20/  Something was off though; I just couldn’t shake the restless/lonely feeling in my gut.   I glanced over at my guitar sitting in the corner and dusted it off, opened up my Yousician app and spent time practicing.  A couple hours flew by, just like that.   When I was done, my fingers felt raw from the strings, but the feeling of accomplishment and fulfillment was undeniable.

Wednesday I spent the day with mom.  I picked her up and we headed out to Granby Zoo.  I had not been in years.  The weather was perfect; a little on the coolish side, but the animals were in full view and not hiding from the heat.

Thursday was another quiet day spent working on the decorations for the church vacation bible study coming up next week.  Later in the afternoon I got an invite from the prodigal to come over for supper.  He is turning into quite a good cook and his new apartment is coming along nicely.  His girlfriend’s little son is starting to warm up to me.  managed to get a hug from him as I was leaving.  There’s a bit of an unpleasant situation going on there, but that’s a story for another post.

Friday was spent on decorations again and later in the evening I caught up with a friend and we went to see a comedy show on Crescent street.  The headliner, Andrew Searles, was pretty good.

The weekend was a blur.  I didn’t do much.  I’m super chill now and hope that vibe stays with me as I open the fifty million emails waiting for me.

Have a good Monday, all.

Monday Weigh-in: 181 lbs :)

Will you look at that?  I’m down two pounds, and I’m on vacation! I have also been having an ice cream cone every other day, minus the guilt trip.  Confession: I have not tracked one morsel of food for over a week.  I have just been listening to what my body wants to eat and using that as my guide.

Mind you, I also have not brought any sweets into the house lately. My stress levels have also taken a nosedive since my beloved prodigal has moved out.  I’ve been super chill. Maybe there really is  link between stress levels and weight gain.

I have just finished the last of my protein powder, so we will see what the next week brings.  Drinking protein smoothies in the morning has been great in taking the guess work out of what to feed myself when I get up and it has kept me full until lunch time.

Either or, I am just happy with the loss. Averaging one pound per week is just fine by me.  I’m hoping that next Monday brings me closer to the 170-something mark.  I haven’t seen those numbers in a good long while.

Happy Monday all.

Staycation Days #9 & 10 (Saturday and Sunday)

I really have commitment issues.  This reality has been hitting me square in the face of late.

Saturday night I was supposed to attend a mix and mingle event through a Meetup group.  It was at the Botanical gardens.  About three hours prior to the event, I cancelled.  Why?  Not sure.  It’s not like I was uber busy.  I think I’m just loving this slow, relaxed pace I’m living this past week.   Showing up to something feels like “work” and I’ve been just fine in my own company.

So, instead of going out and meeting new people, I opted to stay home and watch some Netflix and chat on the phone with  friend.

Not much happened today.  Sundays are a day of rest and I love the quiet routine I’ve set up for myself.  I make a cup of tea and head downstairs with my kitties.  We were out there for about an hour.  They were sniffing and chasing bugs and eating grass.  I was sipping tea and reading Scripture.

I did a little reading and blogging and then head out for church at 4pm, followed by a bowl of soup at the diner with a friend.

It was the perfect Sunday.

 

 

Staycation Day #8 (Friday)

The morning started off on such a nice foot.  The prodigal called me to ask if he could stop by to pick up his mail.  It was raining (again) and his work was cancelled for the day. Sidebar:  every rain day has me worried he might not be covering his rent!  Aaaaanyways….we had coffee together and I made him a big breakfast.  What can I say?  Once a mom, always a mom.  We love to feed our boys when they come for a visit.

As hard a time as we have had as a family, it does my heart good to know that he enjoys stopping by and shooting the breeze with his mamma. Ok, and to use my Wifi. LOL! They still have not gotten around to doing that.  All good.

Once he left, it was off to the Apple store for my Ipad Pro tutorial.  Oh. My. Goodness.  Can you say love?  That store rocked my socks off.  Granted, I was beyond the beginner’s stage from fiddling around with it over the past few months, but I did still learn a couple things.

We were a total of four; me, two nice ladies and..enter Zsa Zsa Gabor wannabe annoying diva.  It was 11 am folks, and this glamour puss walked in with a cocktail dress and more bling you can shake a stick at.  Hey, I’m all for putting your best foot forward, but cheese and rice, lady.  Take it easy!

Before she even opened her mouth, I knew exactly what she would sound like and how she would behave. She was going to be the one who was especially needy and would interrupt every two seconds and keep pressing buttons immediately after the instructor would tell us not to.  Two minutes in aaaaaand I nailed it.

Here is a photograph of our humble instructor.  What a sweetheart; so patient and kind.  Apparently he has a blog going here on WordPress.  I can’t for the life of me find it though.  If any of you all are savvier than I and find it, please let me know. It’s called Food Girl Beer Guy.

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Later in the evening I headed out Place des Arts to catch battle of the bands between The Xavier Cugat and Cab Calloway orchestras.  Interesting tidbit I did not know; the band leader, Christopher Brooks Calloway is the grandson of the late great Cab Calloway.  Spoiler alert – they won for a second year in a row.

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I wish we were allowed to take photographs. That particular room is spectacular and was set up so authentically to the years when that music was hip.  Well, it still is, in my humble opinion.  I had a father that was older than my mom and I have memories of hearing that stuff playing in the background when I was growing up.

I had a smile on my face from ear to ear.  That’s when a particularly vile odor wafted around me.  Oh geez, the dude next to me let one go.  Ok, find, it happens. Let’s move on.

Well, apparently it was a segue to what the next 40 minutes would be like.  My brochure was being fanned so furiously I’m sure the orchestra thought I was trying to start a fire.

For eff’s sake, Farty McGee, get thee to the restroom!  People can be so utterly disgusting at times.  He got the message when I looked right at his silly little mug and gave him the death stare.

At intermission he popped out of his seat and left.  All I could think of was “dude, I don’t care how long the line is at the loo, you’d best pay it a visit or I will  lose it”.

When he came back he seemed to hesitate sitting next to me.  Rightly so, stinky, rightly so.

You can dress some people, but you can’t take them out.

Happy Sunday, all!

 

Staycation Day #6 and #7 (Wednesday/Thursday)

I have a question.  Why why why doesn’t time fly by this quickly at work?

Yesterday I decided to pop in on a friend who is a stay at home mom to three lovely little boys.  Talk about a multicultural family.  She is from Canada, her hubs is first generation Canadian and his family is from Pakistan, her eldest son is from the Phillipines, her middle boy is from Vietnam and the littlest one is from China.   Not sure why I felt it was important to mention that.

Anyhoooo…..I thought I’d drop by Tim Hortons to get a box of Timbits for the kiddies and a coffee for myself.  So when it came time to pick up my order at the drive through, I was greeted by one of the snottiest, rudest piece of work in my life.

She kept shoving hot coffee at me that was dripping on to my hand.  I asked for a napkin.  She yanks the coffee out of my hands, pours some out and then shoves the still dripping cup at me.  No napkin.  So I asked a second time for a napkin.  She lunges at me again to grab the cup.  I cut her off.  Could you please just give me a napkin?

In my head I’m thinking : Could you stop dumping coffee that I have paid for? I’d like to actually have something left in my cup.  Secondly, are you fresh out of napkins?  I’m a big girl, I got this, really.  Thirdly, I’m “this close” to going ape-shit on your stinking attitude little miss rude pants.

Miss Congeniality then says “I”m JUST trying to help you”., flings a napkin at me and slams the little drive through door shut in my face.  OMG….

So I did what every normal mature adult would do….wait, no I didn’t.  I let her rip.  I yelled “THANKS FOR THE ATTITUDE, BITCH!” and drove off.

 

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Just. Give. Me. A. Napkin…..

Why did I sink to that level?  I should have parked the car, walked in, and asked to speak to her manager.  Even that is petty, I know.  I guess I just miss the days when people working at restos or cashiers didn’t act like you were BOTHERING them.  Not to mention trying to scald customers with hot coffee.

So, then I visited my friend and did not utter a word of my momentary crazy bitch behavior.  Later in the evening I went out with some girls for dinner and still did not mention my psycho behavior. So please, don’t tell anyone, ok?

Today, I did the most mundane but necessary things; renew my car insurance, stopped at the SSAQ to renew my driver’s license and medicare card.  Oh what a surprise, the government officials there had the one token grumpy employee and I was next.  She was all smiles for good looking young buck ahead of me though.

Customer service in Montreal can suck so bad.

So, this evening I’m off to a FREE outdoor concert with another couple friends.  Oh boy, I’m loving this routine.  Reality will hit hard in a week’s time when I have to go back to work.

Have a good night, folks!