Seven Day Challenge

Happy Monday all!  Here is my pic for day 5.

F50CE22C-EA0D-40DB-9E8D-BA7E49F2D836

Advertisements

Embracing the Void

Well, this funk I am in seems to be settling in for the long haul.  What is up with me?  I just can’t seem to shake this feeling.

Sunday evening was the worst. I sat on the front step with my iPad, reading.  The kitties were enjoying the fresh air and munching on the grass (only to toss their cookies minutes afterwards – why do cats do this?)

My funk turned into a deep sadness and sense of desperation.  I started worrying that this feeling would never go away.  I was mindlessly thumbing through memes and images and stumbled across this.

059fa52e9a6f0ab44ae1a9cf27f578fd--loneliness-quotes-romance-quotes

All of a sudden, it makes sense. I’m not saying that it feels any better, but it makes sense.  I keep trying to keep these feelings at arms length and avoid them at any cost. Something tells me that until I learn to truly embrace solitude, it will forever hound me.

My life is in re-set mode.  My nest is empty, my friends are still there, but are probably going through their own stuff as well, some are becoming grandparents (yikes!), some have met new loves and are caught up in that.

Maybe this feeling is greater than me. Like a child being preparing for his first day of school, clinging tightly to the hand of his parent, scared, but knowing this is a necessary step in growth, maybe this is God, the universe, karma, destiny (whatever) way of saying to let old things fall away and to be open to a new way of life.

Change is inevitable in all things.  It’s not easy, but I think if I learn to accept it for what it is, I can keep my eyes and heart open.  I think a person has to fully embrace and accept a situation in order to be able to get through it. Walk with it, hand in hand and then before you know it, it leaves your side and in walks sweet relief and joy once more.

Saw a Great Comedy Last Night

My lovely peeps! Have I ever mentioned in passing how much I love going to the movies?  Tuesday night cheapie movies have always been high on my list of stuff that makes me happier than a bird with a french fry.

It’s such a great way to start off the week.  Mondays are a write off, I’m pooped from my first day back.  Going to a movie on a Tuesday is a little like flipping the bird to the work week/daily grind.  It’s like saying “hey, look at me, not caring that I have to get up early in the morning and that my dinner is popcorn and a bottle of water”.  I’m a rebel, I tell ya.

So getting back to the actual movie.  It was hilarious!  A real knee slapper.  The only trouble is, it wasn’t a comedy.  It was The War of The Planet of The Apes….

apeface

Buzzwords for “crap movie”

 

Oh!..the over acting, the cheesy lines, the lack of originality in the plot.  Do not get me started on Woody Harrelson.  That should have been my first tip off that it was going to be a real stinker. That man cannot act. At all. Remember when he played that half wit on that sitcom Cheers?  Well my friends, I don’t think that acting dumb bit was much of a stretch for him.

Every time his goofy mug showed up on screen, I braced myself.  It was seriously cringe worthy.  I finally lost it after he yelled “SO EMOTIONAAAAL” to an ape.  I burst out laughing and turned to my friend.  “Ready to go?” I asked.  “Yep” was her reply.

First time I ever walked out of a movie theater.  You know it’s a hot mess when I do that.  Gladly, it was only $6 for the entrance.  Still, I could have been doing better things….like plucking my eyebrows or brushing my cat.  For reals.

gallery_movies-dawn-of-the-planet-of-the-apes-malcolm-caesar

Dude, why? Why did you think this movie was a good idea? Why?

 

Monday Weigh-in: 181 lbs :)

Will you look at that?  I’m down two pounds, and I’m on vacation! I have also been having an ice cream cone every other day, minus the guilt trip.  Confession: I have not tracked one morsel of food for over a week.  I have just been listening to what my body wants to eat and using that as my guide.

Mind you, I also have not brought any sweets into the house lately. My stress levels have also taken a nosedive since my beloved prodigal has moved out.  I’ve been super chill. Maybe there really is  link between stress levels and weight gain.

I have just finished the last of my protein powder, so we will see what the next week brings.  Drinking protein smoothies in the morning has been great in taking the guess work out of what to feed myself when I get up and it has kept me full until lunch time.

Either or, I am just happy with the loss. Averaging one pound per week is just fine by me.  I’m hoping that next Monday brings me closer to the 170-something mark.  I haven’t seen those numbers in a good long while.

Happy Monday all.

Staycation Day #4 (Monday)

Bang bang bang bang bang.  That is the sound I woke up to Monday morning.  I don’t know what the deal is on this street.  It’s like a zombie construction worker/independent contractor/renovators apocalypse.

Well, since I’m up….may as well get the day going.  I spent the morning reading emails and some of my favorite blogs.  Then I made this awesome Meat Moussaka a-la-Weight Watchers style.  Super yummy and low in points and calories.  A girl’s gotta eat..

 

Once done, I headed downtown to catch the jazz-fest.  Oh what a treat for all senses!  This lady in red was doing this all day.  I can’t even image….

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Oh hello!  Not sure what this had to do with jazz, but it was very creative and fun to look at!

20170703_172508_Burst01

Tourist or festival employee…you decide.

Uhm…..!

20170703_163017_Burst01

Must have been one helluva party!

The first act I caught was, well…very dull.  I will not mention his name, as I don’t feel right about publicly bashing anyone.  I will say this, however, for a jazz musician, he was very….vanilla….and as the front man, he played…the electric bass.  I don’t get it either.

20170703_181804_Burst01

Mister Snappy Socks – way more interesting that the band that shall remain nameless.

Montreal is know for its culinary delights.  We have some of the best restos and food trucks.  Last night was no exception, here is just a small sampling of what was available.

There next two acts that I caught were spectacular.  The first was the Johnny Max Band. The lead singer has a very seasoned voice and a very big stage presence.  I even bought their CD after the show.  If you are a fan of blues, you must check these guys out.  Let me know what you think!

The second was Dawn Tyler Watson.  This is the second time I have seen her and what an amazing set of pipes! I was able to squeeze myself into a little spot on the side of the stage.  See? One more benefit of going out solo!

There was also lots of fun to be had for the little ones!  Happy kids = happy parents.

The last act I caught was a band from Brazil called Bixiga 70.  Very big on percussion and bongos.  I think it may have been their first time in Montreal.  They really put their heart into performing.  I listened for a while then head back home.

That was my day in a nutshell.  Good night folks!

20170703_215356

Mouah! Nighty night!

Empty Nest and the Single Parent

I guess I should just come right out and say it.  I feel very….lonely. For so many years my time has been occupied with the care and worry over the prodigal.  It’s not the first time he has moved out, so I should be used to this by now.  It’s just that there are only so many times I can press on the reset button of this nest.

What is the reasonable amount of contact a parent can expect from their adult children?  I have no idea.

Do I want to become one of those mothers that becomes needy and clingy?  Of course not.  I don’t ever want to be a burden.

If you’ve read any of my previous posts, you know by now that my relationship with my son has not been an easy one.  My heart swells with love for him.  It has been just me and him since he was a little tot of two years of age.

As much as my heart swells with love, it also has broken many times at the hurtful words that he has thrown at me.  Ours is a complicated situation.

Part of me is so happy for him that he has moved in to his very own apartment.  The other part of me is a little worried; I have concerns that he may have bit off more than he can chew with the new-ish girlfriend and her little son.

I am a little disappointed and confused at the moment.  His moods are so up and down, at least with me.  We saw each other at a family funeral on Saturday and all seemed fine.  Then Sunday rolled around and he was in a strange mood.

I guess I’m having a bit of a pity party.  The empty nest is leaving me feeling like nobody needs me anymore.  Like I have been forgotten.

When I tried explaining to a friend that I’m having a hard time adjusting, she made light of it, saying I should be rejoicing.  I have my place to myself and no longer have to deal with the prodigal’s mood swings.

Spoken like a typical non parent.  Its so frustrating.  Nobody seems to understand how difficult an empty nest is to a single parent.  I don’t have a spouse to turn to and to dote one or just get to know all over again.

I’ve been watching countless videos and reading on the psychological effect of the empty nest.  There is a little bit of comfort there to know I’m not the only one who goes through this.

Keeping my mind busy seems to help.  I’ve picked up my guitar this past week more than I have since I bought it a couple years ago.  There’s an app called Yousician that I have discovered and I guess that will keep me occupied on the evenings that I am at home.

This is really hard.  If my son were of even keeled temperament, I’d feel fully secure and relaxed that he is just busy, discovering his new life.  With him though, I never know if radio silence is really a form of passive aggression or not.  As much as I love him, this dance has been exhausting.

I’d love to hear from other empty nesters.  How did/are you dealing with this?  Did you have a hard time adjusting?

Happy Thursday all.