The Nest is Almost Empty

Yep, the prodigal will be leaving the nest once more.  I have mixed feelings about it.  Last time he left I felt a great sadness wash over me.  His departure came on the heels of argument.  He was still in school, had a part time job that paid a pittance, and he moved in with his then high school sweetheart and her parents.

Do not get me started on how NOT on board I was with this.  In my mind, this was not how you are supposed to start off your life.  As a parent, it embarrassed me that my son was living there, rent free, with 24/7 access to their daughter.  These folks barely scratched out a living for themselves and now they had an additional mouth to feed.

As predicted, it did not work out.  No too long after he moved there, he started nit picking at little things and complaining.  Their relationship came to an end and since he was still in school and broke, he returned to the nest in November of 2016.

He finished school, worked through his depression and feelings of isolation and started feeling better.  True to form, within about two months, things started turning sour here.  I won’t bore you with the details again, but it can be found in a previous post.

So, take off part 2, is on the horizon in a couple days.  He will be moving out with is new-ish girlfriend and her little son.  This time, I’m not feeling sad.  As much as I love him, I have come to realize that my one and only beloved son is a person with a difficult disposition.  In his mind, every cruel word and feeling of entitlement is justified and deserved.

In a way, some bridges have started to burn between the two of us.  My need for kindness and peace has begun to outweigh family ties. I love him dearly, warts and all. That will never change.  I am just too tired to continue to try to show him how his actions not only hurt others, but himself as well.  The day of live and let live is upon us.

So, I’m releasing him out into the world, wishing him the very best.  He will remain in my prayers, but my days of constant worrying are over. I have to trust that I’ve given him the tools to survive out there and allow him to learn by his mistakes and to grow independently as an adult.

He has hinted a couple times here and there that he needs this, that, or the other thing for his upcoming move.  Once upon a time I would have jumped in and saved the day.  No more.  Now I’m offering suggestions or simply saying nothing.  My job is done.  I know I have been a good parent, even if he does not think so or find fault in every little thing.  I could not have loved more than I have.

It’s a good thing parenting does not come with a manual, folks. If so, I think many of us would have stopped populating the world.  It is a SCARY ride at times with no guarantee of what the outcome will be.  All we can do as parents is do our jobs with love….and a steady supply of wine and/or chocolate!

Stay tuned for more news on the flight of the prodigal.

 

Monday Weigh-in

Well Zip-a-dee-doo-dah!  Stepped on the scale and am happy to report that I’ve lost a little more.  The reading this morning was 181.8. Yes!  I know, it’s small potatoes, but it’s something.

This past Saturday I signed up and attended a Meetup group outing.  I am not at a loss for friends, but honestly, they just do not have the same motivation to go out there and move.

We were supposed to go for a light hike followed by kayaking. We took a wrong turn on the trails and ended up walking a lot longer than anticipated.  We started walking at 11:30 a.m. and finally finished at 3:30 pm.  Ugh…..I was parched and exhausted and famished and I swear, was ready to just scream “I give up!!!” and lie in the middle of the fields until the next thaw.

Kayaking did not happen.  I did not have one ounce of energy left in me.  My two co-passengers (I volunteered to offer lifts), who were much younger than I also felt the same.

So after downing what seemed like one million litres (or gallons if you’re American) of water, off we went back to the city.

I was so sore the next day, but it felt great to move and it all paid off.  I’m glad I went, because true to form, I’m getting bored with the gym.  I only average one day per week, which is why I won’t waste money on memberships any longer.  I buy passes.  Some argue it might be more expensive, but to each their own.  Unless I am ready to go there four times a week, it’s not going to happen.  I used to spend a lot of time at the gym and I’m over that. It felt like a chore. Yes, I do have commitment issues on many levels.

I took a peek at the pics snapped on our outing…sigh….I should not have done that.  I look like a hippopotamus in athletic gear.  Gosh I so want to lose weight.  I cannot stand what I look like.  There were some there bigger than me, lumpier, squishier, but my eyes always zero in on all my imperfections.  I hate it.  I hate that the outside does not match the inside.  Why can I be accepting of other people that carry extra weight, but bash myself constantly over it.  They seem so comfortable in their bodies and I clearly am not.  I hide from cameras.

Also, do cameras really make a person look wider?  Stay with me on this, I’m not being delusional.  A friend of mine just completed a Spartan race.  She has lost a ton of weight, but on her race pics, she looks so much heavier than she really is.  What’s up with that?

Happy Monday, all.  Keep smiling!

 

Monday Weigh In

Happy Monday, all.  This week’s Monday weigh in is….odd.  The scale has not moved up or down.  I stepped on it this morning and I’m still 182.8.  Well, at least I haven’t gained.

Quick update on life out here – my aquafit classes are finished and was bummed to hear that the aquadome will be closed until September for renovations.  Is nothing sacred?

Segway (or is it segue?), If you know anything about Montreal, you know that Summer out here is what we call the Construction Festival.

Our moron of a mayor has taken it upon himself to ok the tearing up of just about every inch of the Decarie expressway and borough streets this side of the island.  I’ve never been to Iraq but can show you pics that would make you believe I’m living in a war torn middle eastern country.

Traffic has been horrendous, parking non existent in some areas and blue collar workers are being pushed to their limits with respect to hours and wages.  So, naturally, they strike.  It cost our fair city $45 million per day for a seven day strike last week before a back to work legislation was passed.

Here’s what the handy work of pissed off construction workers looks like.  Yes, they actually paved AROUND a car.  Oh and don’t all those orange cones just blend so well into the scenery?  They are EVERYWHERE folks.  It’s a freaking nightmare.

Construction  Anyhoooo….a lot has happened out here.  My family life is on the rocks once more.  Last week was brutal emotionally and was feeling depressed over it.  I barely had any energy and stayed away from blogging.  Shame on me.  More info to follow on that.  Must start the day.

Happy Monday all!

Because I Can Be.

Remember that line from the movie Heathers?  I’m not proud of this, but I totally pulled a Heather the other day.  I don’t know what got into me.

It was directed at a friend of mine.  I love this gal, but she has zero empathy for anyone. I was going through a hard time with a family member and just needed to vent a little about it.  All I was looking for was a kind word of encouragement from her.

Instead of comfort from a friend, I got a barrage of questions and a call to action of drastic proportions.  Long story short, she made me feel very small and was stressing me.  I told her that I would just keep things to myself from now on, and apologized for burdening her with my trouble.

She started back peddling, saying that I could always talk to her about anything, any time.  Uhm…no, I really can’t.  When I thought about it a bit more, I realized that she never would ask follow up questions to see how things were working themselves out.

I guess it bugged me more than I realized because when she started telling me about the possibility of rekindling an old romance, I stepped up to the plate and swung away with all the “how this can never work” scenarios I could think up

Before I knew it, I was telling her things like reunion romances don’t work, especially long distance ones.  I went on to say that men who call you out of the blue after a certain age are just looking for someone to take care of them.   In short, I totally deflated her feel good balloon.  My closing line was to just walk in eyes wide open and to remember there’s a reason it didn’t work out the first time.  But hey, have fun!

Then I heard that little voice.  “There how do you like a taste of your own medicine?”  That was so not like me.  Why did I take so much pleasure in pooh-poohing her news. Her reaction?  Radio silence.

I’m not proud of it, but a small part of me thinks she had it coming.  I’m not condoning my behavior, just taking stock of what went down.

Lesson learned in this?  You really have to pick and chose who you open up to.  Some things might be beyond another person’s emotional capacity.  Opening up to someone who lacks empathy only causes resentment in the long run.

Although blessed with a fair number of friends, I rarely mix them together.  Each one is so different and I enjoy my time with them separately.  Each brings something different to the table, so I can pick and chose who I go to for a pity party.  Those are short lived though.  No need to be a Debbie downer each time you see them.

At the end of the day, no real hard feelings between my bud and I, but I suspect she will be keeping her possible romance to herself.  That’s OK, I’ll be keeping my family issues to myself as well.

HEATHERS 2

Monday Weigh-in

I’ve started making excuses before I even step on the damn scale.  Brunch on Saturday morning, a big helping of pasta later in the evening, followed by lunch out for Mother’s day and two of the best mini cupcakes I’ve ever tasted in my life.  Seriously, like tiny morsels of heaven in your mouth.

Drum roll please…..184.4.  F*ck! I’m up 2.2 pounds.  Well, that pretty much confirms that I HAVE to track my points.  Winging it just does not work for me.  The weird thing is I actually feel a little lighter, and my clothes are starting to feel a little less snug.  My legs have even slimmed down a little.  I can SEE it in the mirror.  How is that possible?  No fair!!!

I really kicked it at the gym, too.  This always seems to happen.  Why do I start to get heavier on the scale yet smaller in my clothing, even after only a couple of workouts?  It’s so discouraging.  Working out gives me more energy and I feel better, but get heavier.  There’s no way I can be building muscle that quickly.  There’s no way my food choices were that bad.  Right? HHhhm…I’m perplexed.

Let’s see what next week brings.  Excuse me, I have to go track that gulp of air I just took in.

I’m No Marshall Mathers, But I’m Cleaning Out My Closet Anyway

Holy holy holy crap.  Why on earth did I think this was a good idea?  I’ve been feeling good-ish about my eating and exercise this week.  I was looking forward to stepping on the scale Monday morning and posting my weight.  Now I’m terrified.

I decided to do a bit more de-cluttering and re-organize in my wardrobe.  There’s stuff in there that I’ve had forever.  I kid you not – about 90% of my stuff no longer fits.  How long has it been since I’ve gone shopping?  Clearly, way too long.  What the heck have I been wearing anyway?  I’ve got some really cute tops that I’ve been holding on to for “when I lose weight”.  Well, out they go.  Turns out I’m not really all that attached to them anyway.

I made a deal with myself that for new articles of clothing I bring in, something old has to go.  The thought of it panicked me at first, but it’s actually a huge relief to let go of stuff that I just don’t care for anymore.  It certainly makes getting ready a whole lot easier when my closet isn’t jam packed and I’m practically breaking my arms trying to maneuver  clothing around.

Still though, it does stress me a bit that the sizes have gotten bigger, but the upside is that it’s giving me an opportunity to look a bit more stylish and I’m having fun shopping. Even if I don’t actually buy anything, it’s a great learning experience.  I’m seeing what does and does not work on my body type.  For too long I hid behind “safe” choices.  It’s ok for bigger girls to look fashionable too.  It took me a long time to embrace that.  Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes.

However, I don’t want to buy too many pieces because the goal is to lose weight without going broke in the process.  Enter the capsule wardrobe. Have you heard of this?  It’s genius.  Its based on the concept that you only need about 37 articles of clothing per season.  Less really is more.  Think also, less laundry, less money spent, less stress in the morning.  Don’t take my word for it, check out Caroline Rector’s blog at Un-fancy.com and she’ll walk you through the ins and outs of it.

Have you been guilty of holding on to clothing that just don’t work for you anymore?  If so, I urge you to take the plunge and get rid of it!  Pretty please, just don’t toss it to the curb though.  Our landfills are not getting any smaller, and if you take a couple minutes out of your day and drop your cast offs to your local goodwill or thrift shop, you’ll be making a huge difference in someone else’s life and to Mother Nature.

Happy Sunday, all!

Good Morning, Peeps!

Happy Saturday to all!  The weekend could not come fast enough for yours truly.  I’ve taken on a new project at work and turns out one of the higher ups is a bit of a micro manager.  Ah well, I’ll get through it.

As usual, I’m running late.  I’m heading out for brunch and then pedicures with a friend.

What’s on the agenda for you all today?  Do you have a regular Saturday morning routine?  These days I’m all about less running around and doing stuff for other folks and more about immersing myself in my own little world and enjoying all the little things that I normally don’t notice as I’m rushing out the door.  Are your Saturdays booked to the hilt or are you about going with the flow and seeing what happens?

Either way, enjoy and please leave me a comment, I’d love to hear from you.

Ciao bellas!

Chrissie