Lines

They get blurred, we read between them, they get drawn in the sand, we’re warned not to cross them, some get toed, some are white, we get to the back of them and some start “here”. Whichever one you chose, they can provide fantastic fodder for a post.

My work colleague/friend and I were standing in one at Starbucks (blergh – prefer Second Cup) and she turned to me and said “Oh man, remember that guy in line at Michael’s”.

How could I forget?  Let me regale you with this story.  We were at Michael’s one day on our lunch hour.  We poked around to get the items we each needed and then proceeded to the check out together.  It was between 12-1 pm, so naturally, they did not have many cashiers on the floor. They had one, to be exact.

We had been in line for about 10 minutes and going nowhere fast.  Why?  Because somebody thought it was a good idea to start arguing with the only cashier on the floor at the busiest time of the day.  Apparently there was some promotion going on where if you completed a survey online, you were entitled to an additional discount.

Apparently this irate shopper did not read the fine print.  I still have no clue what that was, but I do know that he, (yes, he) thought it was a big enough deal to argue non stop about it and kept looking at the ever growing line of irate busy women just wanting to pay for their items and get the frack out of dodge.

I’m all about a good deal and holding merchants accountable, but for the love of God, dude, all you are buying is ONE piece of freaking felt!!  I will gladly pay for it for you if you’ll just shut up and leave.

He kept caterwauling the same sentence and throwing it our way “oh, false advertising, false advertising”.  He acted as though we were going to rally behind him, shake our fists in the air and take out the cashier in his quest to be right and for victory over big bad Michael’s craft store.

Let me tell you something, he has no idea how lucky he was to have gotten out of there in one piece.  You want to piss off a hoard of busy women trying to get odds and ends done on their lunch hour, keep doing what you do, cupcake.  We will turn on you. Fast.

At one point I turned to my friend and said  “You know what else is false advertising?  That this moron calls himself a man while arguing with a young girl over a lousy piece of felt over a bill that comes out to a total of about $2 and some change.  I’m sure I have an extra set of balls in my purse somewhere to lend him…..what a pussy”.

The women behind me heard that and next thing you know we were all sharing a quiet chuckle while enduring the wannabe freedom fighter of the craft store.

In the words of the late great John Pinette…..

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The manager came over and decided to give him the discount just to shut him up and get him the frack out of dodge before the angry mob of women lost their cool. And by angry mob, I mean “me”.

Takes all kinds, folks.  So today I find myself thinking of him.  I wonder what he made with that one piece of felt? Must have been awfully important to risk life and limb.

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Finish What You Started

It’s time I said it out loud. I’m one of those people that gets all excited about something, signs up, buys materials, researches, etc….and then before I know it, I have a plethora of unfinished projects on my hands and I’m moving on to the next one.

My prodigal has mentioned a couple times now that he thinks I also have ADHD (he was diagnosed last year).  He’s probably right. When I think of it, it stresses me and also makes me feel incredibly guilty.  I try to come up with an answer as to why I keep doing this.  The only thing I have come up with is lack of discipline and it’s time I address it and work on it.

I do think I’m making some progress though.  Ten weeks ago I signed up for the Running Room’s Learn to Run clinic.  I actually stuck it out to the very end.  Ok, Sundays were a little dodgy because I am not a morning person.

I don’t sleep in late, it’s just the actual getting there that is a problem. If you are expecting me to be somewhere before 8:00 am and that somewhere is not my kitchen, sipping hot tea, prepare to be disappointed.

If YOU need to be somewhere at such an ungodly hour and are counting on me to get you there…you’re going to be late and it’s been nice knowing you.  For reals, ya’ll.  You need to set the bar much lower if we are to remain friends.

There’s this rebellious streak in me that waits until the very last minute.  Seriously, that type of stress really is horrible and I berate myself the entire time as I’m driving like a bat out of hell to get to my destination.

You should see my Pinterest boards.  Chock full of recipes I’ve just GOT to try.  If I count last night’s dinner, my total of actually tested meals is….2.  It’s a start though, right? Right?

Then there’s the not putting things back right away deal.  It takes literally seconds to put things away once done.  I never realized how bad I am at that.  At the end of the day I will take a look around and think “who did this?!!” Since I live alone, the answer is always “me”.

This past week I have been diligent in putting things away, washing a dish or cup right away after meals and drying them instead of leaving them in the dish-rack.  It’s an eyesore to either wake up or come home to dishes just sitting there. Verdict? A feeling of organization and also gives me great satisfaction to walk into a kitchen where there’s a place for everything and everything in it’s place.

This all might seem like small potatoes, but when your mind is constantly whirring in thoughts and projects, it’s easy to let these little things slide and before long, it all becomes too much and is overwhelming.

The need to organize is starting to be a bit of an obsession for me now that Fall has arrived and the comfort of nesting settles in. I’m doing my best to work with what I already have.  No need to bring more “stuff” in here.

Here’s what I made the other night while catching up on my PVR’d shows (that alone is worthy of its own post – I have 324 recorded shows/movies just waiting for me to show them some love!)

Fall wreath at top of stairwell.  Undecorated wreath was sitting in my closet for two years. Needs a little something though. Pine cones or ribbons maybe?

Little Pacino is always ready to lend a hand (or paw)

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My little shadow, always eager to jump in – literally

If this wreath could talk, it would probably say something along the lines of “bitch, it is about time you took me out.  Did you expect me to decorate myself?!”

Stay tuned for more self loathing and organization projects!

The Kindness of Strangers

Whoever you are, I have always depended on the kindness of strangers.

  Blanche Dubois – A Streetcar Named Desire

Ok, so I am no Blanche Dubois, but just couldn’t help myself.  Let me explain.  I took a sick day yesterday for what was supposed to be not one, not two, but THREE root canals. Before you conjure up images of my kisser being filled with Austin Powers-like teeth – let me just set the record straight. I do NOT look like at all.  I am just predisposed to tooth decay.  Regardless of how much I brush, floss, rinse, gargle, trips to the dentist have never been kind to me.

Austin Powers teeth

Do I make you want to floss, baby?

Any-hoo….things did not go as planned and long story short, I had a wisdom tooth removed instead.  I had time on my hands, was hopped up on pain killers and had copious amounts of Lidocaine injected into my mouth.  I laughed in the face of pain. Haha! Actually, it came out more like “pffffhaaa ppppfffhhhhaaa!” due to the gauze.

So what did I do?  I went to my hairdresser’s and moved my appointment up by a day.  Because that’s a perfectly normal thing to do after dental surgery….said nobody. Ever.

Tanya, my sweet hairdresser, knows me well enough to not even blink at my puffy cheeked chipmunk like appearance.  She is a crazy multi-tasker too and would have totally done the same thing. If that is not unconditional love, I don’t know what is.

As I was flipping through my iPad and reading through some of my fave blogs, I noticed that I had a notification on WordPress.

What I read restored my faith in humanity.  Ok, I am being dramatic, but please remember, I was slightly high from pain killers at that point. Nevertheless, it touched me.  It was a little blurb from a fellow blogger asking if I was ok.  I had not posted in a couple weeks and prior to falling off the blogging world’s radar, was bemoaning the fact that I was going through a bit of a funk.

My point is this – never underestimate what even the smallest of kind gestures can do for someone.  Many of us walk the earth with a smile plastered on our faces and everything looks good on paper, but on the inside, we might be holding on by a thread.  That one kind gesture could make a world of difference to a complete stranger.  (Thank you, Jad!)

We live in a time when mental health can at times be shaky at best.  The earth is spinning too fast, social media consumes us, human connections are missed, fleeting or even non existent.

On that note, time to take more Advil.  I can actually feel a pulse in my mouth.

Happy Friday all!

 

Be Careful What Your Wish For

It was the literal calm before the storm. I haven’t been writing or keeping up with my fave blogs lately.  My intention was/is not to give it up.  I was just taking some time to sort through this funk I’ve been in.  Last night I seemed to have finally come out of it as I was sitting on my back balcony, doing an on-line class from UBC called The Science of Happiness.

Angus and Pacino, (my kitties) were at my feet, the crickets were chirping in the background.  I took a minute to listen and look around.  I was in my element, learning something new.  I said out loud “Thank you, God.”

I have been praying lately that the loneliness inside would go away.  That I find a sense of purpose and contentment once more.  I even asked if He had forgotten about me.  Could He please send a little excitement my way?

Apparently, I should have been WAY more specific with the type of excitement I had ordered.  Thirty minutes later my phone rang and it was my beloved prodigal, asking if he could move back home.

Seriously, God?  This is your idea of a joke, right? Or maybe a lesson for me to shut my big yap when there is an absence of drama and to enjoy the peace that no so long ago I had been praying for night and day. Point taken.

Aaaanyhoooo….seems that the honeymoon stage is over for the couple that moved in together way too fast.  Hey, I love my kid.  I also love him enough to not sugar coat some of his decisions.

So what’s the issue with my son and his gal pal?  By the looks of it, he wants to settle down and she is still the party girl.  She works odd hours, so they are never really together all that much.  She finishes work at about 10pm, and apparently has taken to hitting the bars with her friends afterwards and crawling in at the wee hours.

Did I mention she has a four year old child? So not only does my son work in masonry and restorations, he is also a glorified manny (male version of nanny).

I’m minding my business and am being a sounding board for my son.  In my head though, I’d love to shake little run around Sue like a rag doll.  Maybe throw in a smack up side her head, too.

You’ve got a four year old at home, dumbass.  In case you forgot, you’ve got a pretty decent guy too.  He’s gainfully employed, doesn’t run around, loves you, your kid loves him.  Wake the fuck up!

I’m not sure what is going to happen.  Hopefully they will be able to resolve their differences and be on the same page moving forward.  Or at least be able to finish the term on their lease in an amicable way.

Never a dull moment.

Gesundheit

So I had this random flurry of thoughts elbowing themselves to the forefront of my weird imagination while I was in the shower…are you confused yet? No? Walk with me..

As I was working up the suds in my day four of non washed hair (that is a mistake, people, trust me – never again), I decided to crack open the window in the bathroom.  I tend to take scalding hot shower and have literally had the paint peel off the walls in my last apartment due to a non window and cheap ceiling fan set up.

I knew it was going to happen, so I braced myself for it.  The sneeze.  The slightest variance in room temperature will set me off.  Actually, I think I’m going to start counting the number of times I sneeze in a day.

I could never play dead if a bear was chasing me.  The minute he would get near me to take a little sniff before mauling me, his scent would overwhelm my olefacotry receptors, then the inevitable would happen…aaaatchoo!  Thus rendering me to be Mr. Bear’s snack on the food chain, because bears like their food to be alive at first.  Only lazy slacker bears would nibble on human roadkill. Aaanyway…

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Exactly!

I also can’t “fake” I’m asleep.  The first thing that happens in the morning is..you guessed it, sneezing.  Not just one, either.  It’s three powerful sneezes, one after another.  My kitty, Pacino, races out of the room like a bat out of hell each time. He knows the routine to a “T”.  I start stirring into wakefulness, followed by a long inhale of air – then he bolts!

Here’s the thing, sneezes feel amazing!  Seriously, if I had to describe it, I would say they are the orgasms of the nose.  They are incredibly satisfying and invigorating. Are you with me? Cue the crickets..

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Point made. 

They can also be equally entertaining.  Have you ever tried to do it (sneezing – get your mind out of the gutter) with your eyes open?  Try it and take a video clip of it while you are. If that does not make you laugh, there’s something seriously wrong with you.

Or how about when you have to sneeze, but it just won’t happen.  See above reference to orgasms. You get it now, right??!!

By the way, as I’m writing this, someone outside is …sneezing.  Some people have no decency.

Goodbye Summer!

Labor day weekend.  It kind of snuck up on us.  Well, at least in this part of Canada.  We Canucks are still waiting for Summer to make an appearance.  I am sure we broke some type of rainfall record that might give India’s monsoons a run for their money.

We was robbed.

On the bright side though (Lord knows I try to take a peek there in every situation), my a/c was on only about two weeks total. No sweltering, sticky nights, no high humidity.  I’m trying here, folks, give me a hand…

So now September has arrived. She’s cool and crisp and sassy!  This air is delicious.  It makes me want to strap on my hiking boots and head for the mountains.  It offers up delicious red apples plucked right from the tree and baked into pies or loafs.

With it comes back to school for some.  Or maybe taking a class in the evening after work.

I woke up this morning so freaking happy.  Its a long weekend and I tacked on an extra day on Tuesday.  So what will I do with myself?  I’m heading out to Mont-Tremblant again for a day of hiking with an overnight stay.  Looking forward to the jacuzzi and a glass of wine and maybe some journaling and blog reading in the evening.

I got a great deal on a room in the main village. Thank you, Travelosity.

Being single can suck on long weekends.  That’s why I have vowed to fill them with a little something.

Funny how things work – when I saw the incredible deal online, I clicked right away….only to realize it is an over nighter from Monday to Tuesday. Well…crapsicles. Looks like I’m going alone.  Guess  I should have heeded the warning when my mouse hovered over the “are you sure you want this to be a non-refundable booking” message. Moron.

I thought of maybe inviting my mom. She would ski up there back in the day.  That’s where she and my dad met.  Yeah, I will invite mom.

Then that little voice in my head said…”Are you sure you want to do this?”  (refer to above ignoring of the warning).   Before you think I am the worst daughter in the world, let me tell you exactly how this scenario will play itself out.

On the drive up there:

Mom: BOY how far is this place anyway? Are we ever going to get there!?

Me: Almost there, mom.

Mom: (after being in the car for all of 20 minutes) Can we stop somewhere? I need to stretch my legs and have a cigarette.

Me: Fiiiine, but you are slowing us down.

Once we arrive:

Mom: It’s 12:01, I’m STARVING and need to eat.  I’ve been up since 5:00 a.m. I’m tired and want to relax.

I really wish I could do more things with my mom.  In my child’s mind, it always seems like a good idea.  In reality though, it is a frustrating and disappointing experience.  She is not very flexible with regards to her schedule.  Meal times are 6:00 am, 12:00pm and 5:00pm.  It’s really hard to plan an outing that way.

So, I will stop by her place today to visit, but I’m going away solo.

Have a great long weekend all!

 

Thank You, Friday

Friday could not come soon enough this week.  It’s like that white surrender flag in a week of battle with technology and irritating coworkers.

I had to call one of my managers to discuss something and she totally side tracked me and hijacked the topic of conversation and proceeded to bombard me with all of her questions for the issue she had to resolve.  This broad gets under my skin something fierce.  She’s this walking cloud of confusion and her nervous energy rankles me.

After thirty minutes of back and forth and oh and another thing, she remembers that I called her for a specific reason and says “oh I’m sorry, I sidetracked you.  Did you want to discuss the issue you’re having?”   Hell to the no.  I want to get rid of you as fast as I can because you have sucked what little energy I have left out of me and now I’m fearing my blood and internal organs are next.

I nearly lost my shit and walked out yesterday vowing never to return.  Then I remembered my debt load and thought better of it.

This is a first for me.  I’ve handled lots of stress over the years but now I just don’t have the stomach for it anymore.  I cringe as I say this because I think of the old adage, “be careful what you wish for”.

I would be hard pressed to find another job that matches the pay, pension, benefits and flexibility this one offers.

Still though, I feel like I’ve had it and at times start to question the whole shebang.  It kind of sucks that this is what life is about.  Truly we are slaves to the grind.  I wonder if people are truly happier once they retire and their time is their own.

I have a weirdo friend/acquaintance who has gone off the grid about a year ago.  I think I am starting to understand why.  However, living in an RV in Canada is not my idea of a dream come true.

Sigh…if I could have one wish, it would be to be a successful writer and make loads of money so that I would never have to step foot in an office again.  What do you think?  Just a pipe dream?

Have you ever felt like just walking away from the daily and starting fresh somewhere else?

Looking forward to the labor day weekend. Happy Friday all!

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