02 January 2021

Two days left of freedom. On Monday, the 4th of January, I am back to work after a month off due to sick leave. I thought I would have a hard time not working for an extended period of time, but I was wrong. I loved it. My first couple days felt so weird. I was concerned that I would be riddled with more anxiety, but the little happy pills my doc prescribed took care of that. Thank God for meds.

I didn’t realize how bad I have been feeling until I started feeling better. This time off has been a blessing. I basically just lied on my couch most of the time with my kitties and Netflix. It was my personal re-set and it was much needed. I am starting to feel like myself again and ready to go back with a renewed sense of confidence and strength. I’m ready for that miserable bitch otherwise known as my line manager. I will always opt for a pleasant work environment, but trust me, I will no longer be biting my tongue when it comes to her.

On to more positive things – I ended the year 2020 by ”finding” a long lost cousin. Actually, correction, I am the long lost cousin who decided to find family members. It’s a long complicated story, but after my father died I cut ties with his side of the family. They roped me into a lie that I could no longer stomach – they were keeping my father’s death a secret from his own mother. They cited the bullshit excuse of “it would kill grandma if she knew”. Soooo…..you’re telling me that letting an old woman think that her first born has just up and cut off all contact with her with no explanation at all is the better option? You people are warped. The fact that all 10 siblings agreed to this is proof that they all have a dark side that I am happy to stay away from.

I’m a mom, and let me tell you, if my beloved son were to just disappear without a trace one day, THAT would kill me. It would hurt me every single day, not knowing why he no longer speaks to me, and I would for sure be worrying, wondering if he is ok.

Anyway, it was nice to speak with my cousin. I also found another cousin, and she was happy to hear from me. That’s the only two that I care to stay in touch with. There are only two remaining aunties left, and according to my cousin, they are still as toxic as ever. They both contacted me. I was kind and cordial, but I will never let them in entirely again. Just writing about this makes me feel sick.

You can pick your friends, but you can’t pick your family, right?

Have a great day, talk to you tomorrow.

Chrissie B

Moving Day!

What a crazy couple days this has been.  The prodigal spoke with his new landlord last week to see if he could move in prior to 01 June.  The answer was…..YES! He explained what has been going on at the apartment with the live in ex and this man was so sympathetic, he said he would not charge him for the month of May.

Seriously, he has just reinstated my faith in humanity.  There are some good people still out there.

So, last week was a blur, really.  All I know is I don’t think I had a moment to myself between work and helping him out and driving back and forth.

Poppa bear and I and a buddy of the prodigal helped him this weekend and he is all moved in.

While he was finishing (more like starting) his packing, I was the first one in the place at 7:30 a.m. on Saturday.  The furniture store gave a delivery time of between 8:00 a.m. and 8:00 p.m. for his new bed.  Sigh…of course.

As per usual, I walked in there and freaked out.  I panicked..where the hell was this furniture going to go.  It’s so small.  I feel claustrophobic!  Did he make a mistake choosing this place? OMG OMG OMG! I had to remind myself this is a recurring theme with me and once I calmed down, I was able to exhale and reboot the ole noggin. Everything will be fine.

When everything was in and placed….we didn’t want to leave! It’s just that cute.  After he returned the truck to u-haul, we went out for supper at Scores.  This is the first time we’ve done that as a family in 24 years.  (I divorced poppa bear when the prodigal was 2 years of age – he is now 26).

It was nice, really.  There was no uncomfortable silences, no awkward moments.  We were just a family, although broken, enjoying a meal and having some laughs. We went back to the bachelor digs and hung around some more.  I’m glad we were able to do that for our son.  It was a learning experience for me, too.  I realized that my ex has a shitload of quirks. Were they always there but I never noticed?  Ah, food for another post!

In the meantime, I took a couple of “before” pics while I was waiting for the mattress to be delivered.  The place still needs to be painted.  Once that is done, I will show more pics.

Oh, happy belated Mother’s day to all the mommies out there!

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On The Fifth Day Of Christmas

Ok so the jig was up the moment I saw “Santa” walk in. I knew it was my uncle Russel.

The little girl sitting on my mom’s lap is his daughter. If you think she looks scared, you would be correct. She did not appreciate the jolly man with the beard at all.

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Here’s what the camera did not capture: complete screaming like a banshee meltdown, hands flapping in an attempt to either swat him away or take out an eye.

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Melt down in 3..2..1..

I, on the other hand, was happy with my drowsy doll,  regardless of the bogus Santa situation. Mom did not raise any fools. Take the gift and run like the wind, kid.

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Question: why is my dress so short and who is the groovy Beatles wanna be kid in back of me??

Have an awesome Friday, all!