The Crazy Train Has Left The Station

Never a dull moment around here, folks. Well, that’s not true.  It’s mostly peaceful and at times even a little mundane, peppered with WTF here and there.

Where do I even begin?  Ah yes, here.  The prodigal is now a couple weeks away from moving in to his bachelor digs.  The live-in ex girlfriend has officially bought what looks to be a one way ticket to crazy town.

Apparently, the past two weeks have been like poking a cobra with a stick at casa heartbreak hotel. When he tries to cook himself a meal after a day at work, she tells him he’s not allowed to use “her” stove.  If he cooks anyway, she will take his meal and either throw it in the garbage or at him.

The fridge is off limits, too..because…it’s hers.  Whatever food he has bought for himself ends up on the counter or in the garbage can. Perfectly normal behavior. Said nobody. Ever.

The broom…..well, how dare he sweep the floor with HER broom?!  I’m guessing it’s her only mode of transportation lately, so best be careful with it.

It all came to a head the other night.  I have told him time and time again not to engage her when she starts taking verbal jabs at him.  She’s waiting for a reaction and in the age of the Me Too movement, odds are not in his favor.

She took one poke too much at him and he let her have it…verbally.  I will not repeat what was said.  Just trust me when I say she went completely ape-shit crazy unhinged. So much so that she thought hitting him would be a good move.  Wrong.

The police escorted her out.  When they asked him if he wanted to press charges, he said no.  Why?  She has a little four year old boy and was taking him into consideration (don’t worry he was not there.  She has pawned him off to her 85 year old grandmother again) So off she went.  Not allowed to return for 24-hours.

Folks, no good deed goes unpunished.  When my son got home from work the next day, she had taken all the pots and pans, the microwave, the toaster, the kettle, dishes, spice rack (huh?) and removed all four burners from the stove and removed the grills from inside the oven. Then she put a combination pad lock on her bedroom door (which can be unscrewed very easily from the door frame on the OUTSIDE of the door. I never said she was smart). It looks like her mother was there to help, too. The family that acts hateful together stays together?  I don’t know….I have no words.

She seems to come and go when he is at work, but so far, they have not been under the same roof at the same time since last week. Good.  I’m hoping she stays away until he moves. Poppa bear and I will feel relieved when that day comes.

I know break ups can bring out the worst in people.  This though….I don’t know what to say.  Lesson learned for the lad.  Take your time with the next person who walks into your life my boy.

PS, I guess she has been walking or taking Uber to get back and forth, because she left the broom behind. Ha!

WITCH

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Update On The Prodigal

Not sure if you were here when I first posted what was going on with the prodigal’s (a.k.a. my one and only beloved son) living situation.

He had decided to call it quits with the live in girlfriend (a.k.a. the girl he moved it with way too fast…I digress).  I wrote about it here.

He had started looking for his own apartment in January, but since he was laid off for the Winter, he decided to try sticking it out for financial reasons.

March rolled around and he was back on the job site and started looking again.  He asked me to come check out an apartment with him last Saturday and I absolutely loved it!  Its in a triplex, which has the basement converted into a very nice 2 1/2 with a closed bedroom.

This is not your typical basement apartment where it’s dark and gloomy and damp.  It is gorgeous. All four brand spanking new appliances are included, heating and central a/c is included as well. Price: $775.  A steal on the island and very central to everything.

We hit it off with the landlord and the next day got the call that his application had been accepted.  He signs his new lease on Friday. Woot! Woot! This mama bear has been doing a happy dance since he got the call.

So of course you know what this means….decorating projects for moi!  He gets to move in the first of June.  Stay tuned for some before and after pics.

So, he has the good job, nice and affordable apartment, all that is missing now is a for him to figure out what he wants/who he is.  He’s having a bit of an existential season.  He also needs to widen his social circle.  I never realized how hard it is for young men to make friends.  My heart goes out to him. He’s a good guy and I know everything else will fall into place.

 

 

On The Third Day of Christmas…

I was going to write about the frustrations surrounding my family the day after Christmas, but decided against it. I could go into every detail that got under my skin, but what’s the point? I’ve just resigned myself to the fact that the “normal” family get together I have playing in my head just does not exist when it comes to three of us. Dwelling on it just makes me feel worse. Long story short; this will never change.

So, instead of staying stuck in a miserable state, I decided to focus on happier times. I will be posting old pics of Christmas past.

I remember this like it was yesterday. Dad was an avid photographer. I always had a camera in my face. On this evening I was trying to watch a Christmas special on television and he was desperately trying to get me to look into the camera.

Thanks for the memories, pops.

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A Most Horrible Day

Today was an incredibly crap-tastic one.  I can barely stand to write about it because it makes me relive it all over again.  The prodigal called early in the morning to see if I felt like tagging along as he starts his apartment hunt.

To my great surprise, he has already received his first payment  from employment insurance.  Wow! That was record breakingly fast. I’m impressed.

Here’s what’s not so impressive about that, though; the amount.  I’m really hoping that it is because it covers only one week with a deduction because he had to declare some income received from his employer.

If not, then he cannot afford to go out and rent his own flat. So, he is stressing.  He is trying to figure out everything all at the same time; how much money he will be receiving, will he find a decent apartment, he needs appliances, how much will heating cost, on and on and on.

Pardon my French, but my nerves are fucking shot.  I really needed to relax and recoup these next two weeks off of work.  I’m so exhausted I can feel my heart beat in my own chest.  When he stresses like this, it’s like it’s happening to me.  I’m an empath by nature. I suck up whatever energy is around me like a sponge.

Because all of that was not stressful enough, I walked into the kitchen this morning and found an uninvited visitor.  A mouse. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHNONONONONO!

Angus McKitten had caught him, but didn’t quite know what to do with it, so he was playing catch and release with it. I felt like I was going to both throw up and shit myself at the same time. Whaaaaat is going on lately?  Is this some type of bad karma coming after me?

So it scurried off into my little office that I’m working so hard to set up and make it all pretty and comfortable.  This mouse is a dick. I feel so uncomfortable in here as I’m typing because I have no idea where he is.  I had him cornered while I was waiting for my son to come over and help.  We almost caught him but he got away and squeezed into the heater and is somewhere in the walls, I’m assuming.

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Heeeeere mousie mousie mousie, come on out!

The exterminator cannot make it here before some time next week. In the mean time I went to Canadian Tire to get some mousetraps.  I just could not bring myself to buying one of those cruel spring/snap ones.  I hate that this rodent is in here, but my heart is still soft and I don’t want to kill. So I bought those sticky glue traps.  I still don’t like the idea, but it’s better than decapitation and suffering?  I ordered a humane mousetrap on Amazon.  It should be here by Sunday, hopefully.

My anxieties are at an all time high.  All I want to do right now is sleep and wake up when everything has been sorted out.  I know things will turn out ok and this is just a phase.  We have all been there or something similar at some point, haven’t we?  I know I have.  Watching someone you love go through it is brutal.  I’m doing my best to encourage my beloved prodigal, but it is not easy.  How can I convince someone that everything will be ok if I am a nervous wreck myself? I’m so tired….

 

 

It Should Come Naturally

Hey good morning all.  So, the latest on my prodigal’s situation.  I was just settling at work yesterday when he called me.  He needed my opinion on something regarding the live-in ex.

He had just come back from dropping off her little son at daycare.  That alone, in my humble opinion, shows a great deal of maturity and decency.  Anyway, he has gotten to know some of the daycare providers pretty well and one in particular often chats him up regarding the little guy.

My son, (let’s call him “A” moving forward) let the daycare provider know the he and the boy’s mother were parting ways and that at some point he will no longer be picking up/ dropping off the boy.

She told him he has shown so much kindness and seems to genuinely love the boy.  She went as far as to say that A has shown more interest and care than his actual mother and father.

The little tyke bounces back and forth to the great-grandmother’s and to the father’s and paternal grandmother’s on a regular basis. He is actually “home” only about three days a week, and is never home on the weekends with his mom. I can’t even imagine….

Anyhoo, daycare lady said that she just doesn’t understand the boy’s mother; she doesn’t seem excited when picking him up after a three or four day absence.

So, the million dollar question A had for me yesterday…He wanted to know if the love of a child was something that could grow on a mother or was it a “it’s either in you or it’s not” scenario.

My answer: See this pic below?  Twenty-six years ago, that was pretty much love at first sight for me.

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This is what unconditional love looks like.

My heart hurts for him right now.  I know he is trying to find some type of redeeming hope for the type of mom she could be for any possibility of future children of his, but I think the writing is pretty much on the wall.

Having raised him as a single mom since he was two, trust me when I say I am in no means trying to vilify her.  I know how hard it can be and I know of the silent judgments and blanket assumptions some make.

It’s such a shame, this situation.  Things were good for the three of them for a while, but friends with bad influences got in the way.  That will be for another post though.

I wish I had a magic wand and could wave it over all of them and make this situation better and everyone gets a happy ending.  So hard, as a parent, to watch young adults learn some hard life lessons.  My prayer life has gotten amped up by quite a few notches of late! lol!

Have a great Friday, all.

How Will Things Turn Out?

It’s a question that keeps rolling around in my head on a continuous loop.  The prodigal came over for supper yesterday.  It can’t be easy for him; newly unemployed, still under the same roof with the now ex-girlfriend until he can find his own flat.  The waiting game..waiting to see what he can afford.  If he draws the maximum of unemployment insurance, he can afford something small but cute.  If he doesn’t, his options are limited until he starts work again in March.

I’m so glad that he draws near to family in times of trouble.  We are a clan that sticks together through thick and thin.

Instead of coming up with a plan A,B,C,D…etc, I just let him vent and go over the what ifs and the what could have beens.  All the while I was cooking one of his favorite dishes and listening quietly and interjecting supportive comments.

I was happy to see him actually getting excited about getting his own place.  He seems to be tapping into his creative side and I can see that will be expressed by way of how he chooses to decorate his upcoming new digs.    I’m excited for him.  I can feel that good things are coming his way.

My heart breaks for him, but I have to remind myself that we have all been there at some point in our lives and have lived to tell the tale.  It’s all part of growing up.  We can chose to either dwell in a place of darkness or chose to dust ourselves off and start again in a new direction.  That’s the only way a person grows and matures.

So, stay with me on this.  Any words of support/encouragement/advice will be welcomed.  Do any of you have grown children that have been through a tough patch?  How, as a parent, did you keep your worries at arm’s length?

Have a great day all.

 

 

The Gift of Laughter

Hello all. Well, 2017 is going out with a bang for my little family. My beloved prodigal has called it quits with his live in girlfriend and is now looking for a flat of his own.

Regardless of the fact that my son is almost 26 years of age, I still worry about him. I can’t help it; a mom’s heart will beat in my chest until I draw my last breath.  Who are we fooling?  I’ll probably find a way to worry in the after life as well!

I thought I would be a more nervous wreck version of what I already am, but for some reason, I’m not..so far.  Something inside of me is saying it will all turn out just fine and he will get through this.

How do I know?  We were able to laugh and giggle yesterday while munching on pizza and watching a comedy in between snippets of conversation and musings.

He has matured by leaps and bounds in the past year or so.  He is also more even tempered since taking meds for ADHD.  It has helped him to be so much more eloquent in speech and thought. Gosh, I wish we would have known this when he was back in high school.  Those years could have been so different for him and for myself.

So I suppose you’re wondering why they broke up?  Well, even if you’re not, I’m giving you a condensed version of the spiel.

He has come to the conclusion that they do not share the same values in life.  He works hard, has goals for a family and kids and a house.  She has goals to go out and drink to all hours with her friends.  A couple months ago she thought cocaine was a good idea.  I don’t think it was her intention; her friends have a heavy influence on her.

Did I mention she has a little four year old son that is more often than not passed on to his great grandmother?

He is a bit of a minimalist and likes a clean/tidy place.  She leaves shit aaaaalll over the place.  I’ve been there, I’ve seen it with my own eyes.

He has been telling her that her little son probably is on the autistic spectrum. She has been in denial.  Fortunately though, after some pushing, the little one was finally taken to the pediatrician and the doc agrees there is something not quite right.  Testing with psychologists to follow.  Or not.  My heart sinks when I think of him most probably getting lost in the cracks now that the responsibility of doing the right thing will be left solely to her.

I know, I know, I sound like a mother who thinks her son is perfect.  I’m really not implying that at all.  Nor am I trying to vilify the now ex-girlfriend.  I honestly feel bad for her because she just doesn’t seem to get it. I feel even worse for her son.

My son will be ok. The timing of all this sucks; a couple days before Christmas, he is a mason by trade and is now newly unemployed until March when they start up again. He will now be looking for a new flat based on what little money he will have coming in.

I am proud of him for not settling.  I am proud of him for having walked away from this messy situation when he recognized that the two of them were just not compatible on some very important levels. I am proud of him for being a little scared but doing it anyway. I am proud of him for taking the high road and discussing things with her and coming to what seems to be an amicable split.

Our family is very close knit. We are always there for each other. I guess all those frustrating conversations and discipline and trying to teach him the right way have paid off.  He acted decently and is continuing to do so up until he moves out.

So, bye bye 2017.  Please usher in a kinder gentler 2018 for him and for anyone else having a hard time of things.

Just remember, laughter really is the best medicine.  If you can laugh and share a smile with someone, despite what you’re troubles are, you will most certainly be ok.  Tomorrow is another day.