03 January 2021

Last day of complete freedom! I’m ready to go back to work tomorrow and I’m actually looking forward to it. Never thought I’d hear myself say that.

During my sick leave, I had a talk with my financial advisor about the possibility of an early semi-retirement in about five year’s time. He crunched the numbers and said that yes, it was absolutely possible.

My heart sang. I felt like I’ve been given a new lease on life. Just the thought of being able to walk away from this crazy industry I have been working in for the last 20 years of my life is so appealing. It’s also scary as hell. I don’t want to be one of those people who just end up sitting on the sofa all day watching television and becoming obsolete and irrelevant. Even though that’s all I basically did while on sick leave, and I did appreciate the time to do so because I needed to re-set and make my world slow down, there’s a danger in becoming complacent in life as a result.

That being said, I’ve been thinking of ways to reinvent myself for the past year or so. I thought of Events Management Planning for a while. I almost signed up (at the tune of about $8K for distance learning), but then the pandemic hit. Suffice it to say that this might not be the best time to go into that industry. I’m not as dumb as I look, folks.

Then I thought of real estate. The market in Montreal is booming and everyone and their aunty Fanny is taking realtor courses. The problem….everyone and their aunt Fanny is taking realtor courses. Just the thought of being in another super stressful and competitive industry makes my stomach turn. It’s really not how I want to start the second chapter of my life.

This this morning I had an epiphany. I know exactly what type of business I want to start now and I’m so fired up about it that I can hardly contain myself. I’d love to tell you what it’s all about, but when something this big means so much to me, I tend to keep it to myself. I’m selfish that way; I don’t want to share it with anyone else until the time is absolutely perfect.

I will say that never in a million years would I have thought of this particular industry. Sometimes money is really not everything. You have to be happy doing what you do in life, that way it does not become work, but a labor of love. Of course, the “sensible” side of me is saying this idea is totally ridiculous and have I lost what’s left of my marbles.

I’m doing my best to shut my inner critic down as soon as those negative ideas crop up. When that little asshole comes out to play, I remind it of the author J.K. Rowling. You know her, right? She’s the brains behind the Harry Potter novels. She was a single mother, struggling, and next thing you know, Poof!, uber successful author. Before you get ahead of yourself, this newfound calling has nothing to do with writing a book.

A couple weeks ago I came across a quote from the late great Walt Disney that has resonated within me. “If you can dream it, you can do it.” Love it.

Thanks for stopping by, see you tomorrow.

Chrissie B

02 January 2021

Two days left of freedom. On Monday, the 4th of January, I am back to work after a month off due to sick leave. I thought I would have a hard time not working for an extended period of time, but I was wrong. I loved it. My first couple days felt so weird. I was concerned that I would be riddled with more anxiety, but the little happy pills my doc prescribed took care of that. Thank God for meds.

I didn’t realize how bad I have been feeling until I started feeling better. This time off has been a blessing. I basically just lied on my couch most of the time with my kitties and Netflix. It was my personal re-set and it was much needed. I am starting to feel like myself again and ready to go back with a renewed sense of confidence and strength. I’m ready for that miserable bitch otherwise known as my line manager. I will always opt for a pleasant work environment, but trust me, I will no longer be biting my tongue when it comes to her.

On to more positive things – I ended the year 2020 by ”finding” a long lost cousin. Actually, correction, I am the long lost cousin who decided to find family members. It’s a long complicated story, but after my father died I cut ties with his side of the family. They roped me into a lie that I could no longer stomach – they were keeping my father’s death a secret from his own mother. They cited the bullshit excuse of “it would kill grandma if she knew”. Soooo…..you’re telling me that letting an old woman think that her first born has just up and cut off all contact with her with no explanation at all is the better option? You people are warped. The fact that all 10 siblings agreed to this is proof that they all have a dark side that I am happy to stay away from.

I’m a mom, and let me tell you, if my beloved son were to just disappear without a trace one day, THAT would kill me. It would hurt me every single day, not knowing why he no longer speaks to me, and I would for sure be worrying, wondering if he is ok.

Anyway, it was nice to speak with my cousin. I also found another cousin, and she was happy to hear from me. That’s the only two that I care to stay in touch with. There are only two remaining aunties left, and according to my cousin, they are still as toxic as ever. They both contacted me. I was kind and cordial, but I will never let them in entirely again. Just writing about this makes me feel sick.

You can pick your friends, but you can’t pick your family, right?

Have a great day, talk to you tomorrow.

Chrissie B

01 January 2021

The first day of the new year. It started off kind of odd. First, my bladder decided it was time to make a trip to the loo at 4:30 a.m. Ugh. Then, at about 5:30 a.m., my phone pinged as a new text message came in. I’m from the era when anything after 9 p.m. or before 10 a.m. automatically means someone is either in the emergency room or needs bail money.

I looked at my phone. Wrong and Wrong. It was a happy new year greeting. It was from someone I had briefly chatted with in an online dating site. He asked if we could chat by text and gave me his cell number. I text him the next day. He never answered. Instead, he texts me at 5:30 a.m. four days later. Great first impression. Think I’ll pass.

Then, at 10:20 a.m., I got another text wishing me a happy new year. I didn’t recognize the number. Turns out it was from a guy I had a date with once this Summer and after one too many long drawn out phone calls….I ghosted him. I know, I know. It was a douchebag move on my part. He is super nice and not too bad looking, but just not sure enough of himself and I was afraid he would become clingy. I swear, sometimes I have to check in my drawers to make sure I’m really a woman because at times I act like one of those guys your momma warned you about.

It was nice to hear from him and he suggested meeting for coffee at some point. I said sure why not. He followed up immediately by telling me he is off to Three Rivers and will be back next week and will touch base to set up a day and time to meet.

Woah, slow down. You gotta wonder why a guy would come back for more punishment. Did he forget I ghosted him? Not only that, but when I first chatted with him, I had told him that I had already made a connection with someone else and wanted to see if there was any potential . He wished me well and to not hesitate to get back to him if it didn’t work out. I thought that was an incredibly mature thing to say. Or was it?

You know what’s funny about all of this? I woke up this morning, ready to start the year with new goals and to focus on me and my personal growth. The minute I put that intention out there, these texts come in, left right and center.

The best part of today was when my son came over. I prepared a big new year’s day breakfast of pancakes, bacon, frittata and orange juice. We talked for hours and then I introduced him to a free online learning platform I had mentioned a couple times here and there. We had a look at it together and he was all fired up about it. We created his account and now he has goals over the Winter season he wants to pursue. Makes my heart swell with happiness for him.

Thanks for stopping by. See you tomorrow.