My Achin’ Back

Hey folks, I’m back from my little hiatus.  Sorry for not having posted in a while. Things here have been more than hectic with work and family.  I really don’t want to stop writing and lose what little amount of followers I have so far.

So the latest in this battle of the bulge….I’ve developed what I’m pretty sure is sciatica.  I sit for long periods of time and since having started the new job, I’ve gained 10 pounds. There you have it. If you ignore your body long enough, it will take over and send you very clear messages that you need to do something. Mine is saying “dude, your heft is fucking killing me. Me being your back. Move it, sister”.

I’ve been making a concerted effort to leave the office by no later than 6:00pm.  Even that is too late if you ask me. Long story short, the extended amount of time sitting has triggered this horrible pain down my back/butt/right leg. Sigh….it never ends, does it?

All I seem to do lately is sleep when I do get home, the nagging pain 24/7 is exhausting.

Well, that’s all for now.  The numbers really haven’t moved all that much on the scale.  Big surprise, huh? However, I have started up my old routine of stretching and exercising again in the morning.  I used to do this religiously back in the day.  For some reason that all came to a screeching halt after a bad breakup in 2010.  Not sure if I ever told you about this?  I still have nightmares about him every once in a while.

Have a great day, all.


Trimming the Fat Part 1

Although you’d never tell by the numbers on my scale, my life as of late has been about getting rid of excess.  That not only refers to excess weight, but excess “stuff” also.

Since moving in to this flat about four years ago, I have purged so much STUFF.  I kind of had no choice.  Although my humble abode has two bedrooms, it is small. It took me a little bit of time to get used to it.  Why did I take it?  The price was right and I knew the landlords. They seeked me out when their previous tenant decided not to renew her lease.

What I love most about this place is that I have a stairwell occupied only by yours truly.   It’s an upper duplex with a front and back balcony.   The back balcony runs from the kitchen all the way to my bedroom.  I can sit on my bed in the evenings reading and watch the kitties as they lounge on the patio furniture. I love it.  I can also sit on the front steps with my fur babies while they sniff the breeze, munch on grass, then inevitably hurl said grass, repeat.

The not so great part of it, is the size of my closets.  Whoever designed this place had either a cruel sense of humor or was a man.  Enter the great purge.  Have I worn this in the past year? Nope. Out.  Does it fit?  Bahaha..ridiculous question…out! Do I even like this? Uhm…it seemed like a good idea at the time? Wow I remember buying this 15 years ago..out.  WTF is this thing? OUT!

The rule of thumb now when I do shop is simple – if something new comes in, something old must leave. Lately a lot of stuff has been leaving in the ole wardrobe as my girth is out of control (sigh….menopause….I both love you and hate you at the same time) and I’m also changing up my style.

I’m going for more of a minimalist wardrobe.  I don’t mind plunking down a little extra cash on higher quality stuff if it pulls together several different outfits. Not having to take take anyone else in consideration anymore when it comes to my spending habits is so liberating.

If buying an item means my grocery bill will be adjusted, then so be it.  I don’t mind getting creative and making do with what’s in the cupboard and freezer.

At the risk of sounding like a little old lady, I’ve found that keeping a little notebook on items I either “need” or want and slowly but surely make my way through the list has been helpful and incredibly satisfying.  It keeps me focused and has really helped in not bringing home more useless STUFF.  My ADHD brain can go to some faraway places in a store if I’m not focuses.  Hhhm…this pith helmet is on sale. MUST HAVE! Erhm…no.

STUFF I have received over the years as gifts that I never use or just don’t want anymore usually end up at the goodwill store in my ‘hood. Do I feel bad about giving it away? Nope.  It’s better than adding to a landfill or being tucked away in a teenie tiny closet forever. If someone can use it and it makes them happy – win/win. Am I right?

Stay with me as I walk you through the next level of my purging process.  You might see yourself in that post.

A Blustery Day With My Thoughts

Hello my lovelies!  I have missed logging on here. Work has been taking up a little too much time lately.  I rarely leave the office before 7pm anymore. Last week I was there until 9pm….on a FRIDAY. Ugh. Sick.

However, I left work at 5:30pm last night and joined some former colleagues for dinner. Did I behave myself? Hell no and neither did they.


This might be true for Edith Piaff, but as for me….not so much this morning

I hopped on the scale this morning and miraculously, it did not shatter under my girth.  Sadly though, the numbers have gone up again.  This morning’s reading was 197.4….I have no words except…help.

All kidding aside though, work has been the excuse I’ve been using to not go to the gym.  That stops now.  Everybody else is out there enjoying their lives and I’m being a slave to the grind.  I need to find a better work/life balance. Why do I feel like I have to put in so many hours and try to look like a superstar at work?

I like the feeling of getting something accomplished and that has always transferred into my work life without a problem.  My personal life though, not so much. Interesting.

Enough about that. Today is one of those chilly, crisp air days.  I’ve just finished my bowl of oatmeal with a smidge of brown sugar and chopped apples. Sigh…I truly am addicted to sugar. I had such a hard time scarfing this down.  Anyhoo…I’m going to make amends for last night’s meal and go for a walk around the neighborhood.

I have a couple of little projects around the house I’d like to tackle.  If I’m feeling generous, I might post a couple of before/after shots.

This time of year is good for my soul. It forces me to nest a little more, to take care of things I have been neglecting, and to read, write, reflect.

I realize that I have not been taking all that good care of myself.  Example – I’ve been saying for two weeks now that I want to give myself a manicure/pedicure. Excuse after excuse and still no polish on my tooties or fingers.

I’ll stop now because I really do want to go for a walk.  I will write more later. Stay with me.  I want to share some thoughts on the upcoming holiday parties and how I’m going to cope.

Have an awesome day.


Friday Night Plans

Hey all. I’m taking a quick five minute break from work to pop in and give you an update on how things are going.

I worked out Sunday, Monday and Tuesday so far this week.  Two of them were home work outs and one was at the gym.

Guess what I’ve got planned tonight? I’m going to the gym! I know, right? So not like me.

I went out for dinner with some girls from my old job on Wednesday and so I’m not sure what the scale will have to say come Monday morning.  I indulged in a bloody ceasar (how did I not ever try one of these before? Dee-lish!), controlled myself when they brought that lovely fresh baguette with olive oil and balsamic vinegar, and did not order any dessert.

I brown bagged my lunch everyday except for yesterday and today.  I am planning on picking up a salad at noon.

On Sunday morning, I will be stopping by the prodigal’s place and we will batch cook a couple meals for the week.  It’s so much easier when you have food already prepared when you get home at night.

You know what?  I think I am finally really inspired to do something about my weight. Wish me luck!

Sunday Weigh-in

Ha! Fooled you, huh?  I have decided to do this on a Sunday morning this week.  Reason being, I am horrible at Monday mornings and I wanted to take my time to write this.

So, I stepped on the scale this morning. It was not pretty. At all. I did not take a pic, but will be completely honest and tell you that I have gained more weight. I now tip the scales at 196.2 pounds. I am now officially less than 4 pounds within the 200 range.

How do I feel about this?  So many emotions. Primarily shame. Shame, self loathing, sadness, fear, disgust. These thoughts go through my head all day, every single day.  I dread mirrors. I dread photographs.

En route to work I walk through this long corridor in the subway. The entire wall is mirrored. The same thought goes through my head, twice a day, five days a week. “Don’t look, don’t look”. Then I look, briefly.  “You’re so fucking disgusting” chimes through my thoughts.

Then it occurred to me. Would I ever say something so nasty to someone else? The answer comes quickly, “No”. I wouldn’t dream of crushing someone like that. So why do I do it to myself? If a friend, lover, colleague, family member said that to me, it would be game over.  So why do I constantly bombard myself with hurtful comments?

These thoughts are wearing me down and having an effect on my life. What does it do?  It puts me in an emotional state that causes me to eat my emotions. It is causing me to withdraw from outings with people I don’t know enough to feel safe with.  It needs to stop.

My first step – I cancelled some food related outings recently.  I have to.  I just don’t have much control right now. I seem to have lost the “feeling full” sensation, and I guess I’m consuming too many calories.

Second step – I created a folder in my Youtube account to pre-load some workouts.  I took the time the other night to sift through some more recent videos so I don’t waste any time.  My goal is to do some type of workout every day.

Third step – I will be taking the stairs at work every day.  I’m on the fourth floor, so yes, I will be somewhat winded, but I know it will get easier if I keep at it.

Fourth step – I’m going to buy veggies and pre-cut everything for easy snack fixes. I’m also going to prepare salads and meals for the week ahead.

Fifth step – I am going to cut down on the amount of sugar I put in my coffee. This one will be the hardest for me, believe it or not. I currently put milk and two packets of sugar. I am going to start with just one and try to work my way to half a packet.

Sixth step – I took a before picture this morning in my favorite bathing suit.  I look like a picnic ham.  All pink and round and rosy.  On the 21st of every month, I will be taking another pic, to see if I’m making any progress.

So that’s my plan.  Not sure if I had mentioned this, but I’m planning a vacation to Italy next year.  There is NO WAY I am going there looking like this.

Have a good Sunday all.


Somebody Throw Me A Sandwich!

Morning, peeps!  OMG…I AM HUNGRY!!!  What is it about working out that makes me feel like I haven’t had a meal in days?  I mean, for goodness sakes, today is only Tuesday. My last workout was Sunday morning.

It’s not like a ran a marathon or anything. I told myself to start slow.  My attitude towards the gym has changed dramatically.  I used to go there and push myself so hard that I made it a miserable experience. Now I walk in there and ask myself “Can you commit to a minimum of 30 minutes on the treadmill?”. The answer is yes.  Once that is done, if I still feel like hanging around and using the machines, I do.  If I don’t, I go home and I am ok that I’ve made an effort.

So, back to the hungry thing…what is up with that?  I don’t ever remember that being an issue in the past. Weird.

If I am able to commit to every other day, then after a month, I think I might start working out with a personal trainer again.  My past experience with that was really good and I saw a difference after a couple weeks.

Ok, if I’m going to be honest, I just lack ideas at the gym.  There I said it.

Do you work out?  What’s your gym routine?

personal trainer