Be Careful What Your Wish For

It was the literal calm before the storm. I haven’t been writing or keeping up with my fave blogs lately.  My intention was/is not to give it up.  I was just taking some time to sort through this funk I’ve been in.  Last night I seemed to have finally come out of it as I was sitting on my back balcony, doing an on-line class from UBC called The Science of Happiness.

Angus and Pacino, (my kitties) were at my feet, the crickets were chirping in the background.  I took a minute to listen and look around.  I was in my element, learning something new.  I said out loud “Thank you, God.”

I have been praying lately that the loneliness inside would go away.  That I find a sense of purpose and contentment once more.  I even asked if He had forgotten about me.  Could He please send a little excitement my way?

Apparently, I should have been WAY more specific with the type of excitement I had ordered.  Thirty minutes later my phone rang and it was my beloved prodigal, asking if he could move back home.

Seriously, God?  This is your idea of a joke, right? Or maybe a lesson for me to shut my big yap when there is an absence of drama and to enjoy the peace that no so long ago I had been praying for night and day. Point taken.

Aaaanyhoooo….seems that the honeymoon stage is over for the couple that moved in together way too fast.  Hey, I love my kid.  I also love him enough to not sugar coat some of his decisions.

So what’s the issue with my son and his gal pal?  By the looks of it, he wants to settle down and she is still the party girl.  She works odd hours, so they are never really together all that much.  She finishes work at about 10pm, and apparently has taken to hitting the bars with her friends afterwards and crawling in at the wee hours.

Did I mention she has a four year old child? So not only does my son work in masonry and restorations, he is also a glorified manny (male version of nanny).

I’m minding my business and am being a sounding board for my son.  In my head though, I’d love to shake little run around Sue like a rag doll.  Maybe throw in a smack up side her head, too.

You’ve got a four year old at home, dumbass.  In case you forgot, you’ve got a pretty decent guy too.  He’s gainfully employed, doesn’t run around, loves you, your kid loves him.  Wake the fuck up!

I’m not sure what is going to happen.  Hopefully they will be able to resolve their differences and be on the same page moving forward.  Or at least be able to finish the term on their lease in an amicable way.

Never a dull moment.

Advertisements

Weigh-in 182.2

Hello hello!  Just a couple quick updates.  The numbers are slowly starting to go down again on the scale.

The Running Room Learn to Run Clinic is going surprising well.  Last night we started six reps of running for two minutes and walking for one minute.  I actually survived!  I have found that that way to not hyper focus and then hyperventilate is to concentrate not on my breath, but on the sound our feet make when we hit pavement. Hey, whatever works..

Although no great weight loss (what else is new?), I have noticed I’m trimming down.  My squishy midsection is actually starting to look a little toned.

I feel so incredibly relaxed after a run. I can understand why people get addicted to this.

This little tidbit, I’m not proud to announce, but I have decided to start taking my happy pills once more.  My doc will not be thrilled; on paper my life is pretty good.  However, in my head, not so much lately.  My decision came after I rushed home in the middle of the pastor’s sermon at church, convinced I had forgotten to turn off one of the burners on the stove (turns out I did not), and having put the milk carton away…in the pantry.

Yup.  My focus has been less than stellar and the loneliness was starting to turn into depression.  My son has suggested that I might be ADHD.  His therapist (don’t judge, I’m super proud of him that he is talking to someone about what is troubling him) told him that ADHD is often passed down from a parent.  I think they might be on to something.  My mom, bless her soul, is not the brightest tool in the shed and there are quite a few of my uncles and aunts that have a facial tic.  I always just brushed it off as nervousness, but maybe it really is a neurological thing.

Now, after just one day of back on anti-anxiety meds, I feel so calm and less jittery.  My brain is happily swimming in a sea of serotonin.  I think it’s doing a nice backstroke in there.  Paxil, I love you and hate you at the same time.

So, I’m doing what I need to do to be happy and take care of myself.  The world is a much less scary place when I’m medicated. Probably less scary for those around me too, lol!

Have a great day, all.

Gesundheit

So I had this random flurry of thoughts elbowing themselves to the forefront of my weird imagination while I was in the shower…are you confused yet? No? Walk with me..

As I was working up the suds in my day four of non washed hair (that is a mistake, people, trust me – never again), I decided to crack open the window in the bathroom.  I tend to take scalding hot shower and have literally had the paint peel off the walls in my last apartment due to a non window and cheap ceiling fan set up.

I knew it was going to happen, so I braced myself for it.  The sneeze.  The slightest variance in room temperature will set me off.  Actually, I think I’m going to start counting the number of times I sneeze in a day.

I could never play dead if a bear was chasing me.  The minute he would get near me to take a little sniff before mauling me, his scent would overwhelm my olefacotry receptors, then the inevitable would happen…aaaatchoo!  Thus rendering me to be Mr. Bear’s snack on the food chain, because bears like their food to be alive at first.  Only lazy slacker bears would nibble on human roadkill. Aaanyway…

tip-play-dead-edit-700x445

Exactly!

I also can’t “fake” I’m asleep.  The first thing that happens in the morning is..you guessed it, sneezing.  Not just one, either.  It’s three powerful sneezes, one after another.  My kitty, Pacino, races out of the room like a bat out of hell each time. He knows the routine to a “T”.  I start stirring into wakefulness, followed by a long inhale of air – then he bolts!

Here’s the thing, sneezes feel amazing!  Seriously, if I had to describe it, I would say they are the orgasms of the nose.  They are incredibly satisfying and invigorating. Are you with me? Cue the crickets..

8f29d45fe862130a330423eaba271b5f7e62d5222a382938b5656a5aff98ac05

Point made. 

They can also be equally entertaining.  Have you ever tried to do it (sneezing – get your mind out of the gutter) with your eyes open?  Try it and take a video clip of it while you are. If that does not make you laugh, there’s something seriously wrong with you.

Or how about when you have to sneeze, but it just won’t happen.  See above reference to orgasms. You get it now, right??!!

By the way, as I’m writing this, someone outside is …sneezing.  Some people have no decency.

Goodbye Summer!

Labor day weekend.  It kind of snuck up on us.  Well, at least in this part of Canada.  We Canucks are still waiting for Summer to make an appearance.  I am sure we broke some type of rainfall record that might give India’s monsoons a run for their money.

We was robbed.

On the bright side though (Lord knows I try to take a peek there in every situation), my a/c was on only about two weeks total. No sweltering, sticky nights, no high humidity.  I’m trying here, folks, give me a hand…

So now September has arrived. She’s cool and crisp and sassy!  This air is delicious.  It makes me want to strap on my hiking boots and head for the mountains.  It offers up delicious red apples plucked right from the tree and baked into pies or loafs.

With it comes back to school for some.  Or maybe taking a class in the evening after work.

I woke up this morning so freaking happy.  Its a long weekend and I tacked on an extra day on Tuesday.  So what will I do with myself?  I’m heading out to Mont-Tremblant again for a day of hiking with an overnight stay.  Looking forward to the jacuzzi and a glass of wine and maybe some journaling and blog reading in the evening.

I got a great deal on a room in the main village. Thank you, Travelosity.

Being single can suck on long weekends.  That’s why I have vowed to fill them with a little something.

Funny how things work – when I saw the incredible deal online, I clicked right away….only to realize it is an over nighter from Monday to Tuesday. Well…crapsicles. Looks like I’m going alone.  Guess  I should have heeded the warning when my mouse hovered over the “are you sure you want this to be a non-refundable booking” message. Moron.

I thought of maybe inviting my mom. She would ski up there back in the day.  That’s where she and my dad met.  Yeah, I will invite mom.

Then that little voice in my head said…”Are you sure you want to do this?”  (refer to above ignoring of the warning).   Before you think I am the worst daughter in the world, let me tell you exactly how this scenario will play itself out.

On the drive up there:

Mom: BOY how far is this place anyway? Are we ever going to get there!?

Me: Almost there, mom.

Mom: (after being in the car for all of 20 minutes) Can we stop somewhere? I need to stretch my legs and have a cigarette.

Me: Fiiiine, but you are slowing us down.

Once we arrive:

Mom: It’s 12:01, I’m STARVING and need to eat.  I’ve been up since 5:00 a.m. I’m tired and want to relax.

I really wish I could do more things with my mom.  In my child’s mind, it always seems like a good idea.  In reality though, it is a frustrating and disappointing experience.  She is not very flexible with regards to her schedule.  Meal times are 6:00 am, 12:00pm and 5:00pm.  It’s really hard to plan an outing that way.

So, I will stop by her place today to visit, but I’m going away solo.

Have a great long weekend all!

 

Thank You, Friday

Friday could not come soon enough this week.  It’s like that white surrender flag in a week of battle with technology and irritating coworkers.

I had to call one of my managers to discuss something and she totally side tracked me and hijacked the topic of conversation and proceeded to bombard me with all of her questions for the issue she had to resolve.  This broad gets under my skin something fierce.  She’s this walking cloud of confusion and her nervous energy rankles me.

After thirty minutes of back and forth and oh and another thing, she remembers that I called her for a specific reason and says “oh I’m sorry, I sidetracked you.  Did you want to discuss the issue you’re having?”   Hell to the no.  I want to get rid of you as fast as I can because you have sucked what little energy I have left out of me and now I’m fearing my blood and internal organs are next.

I nearly lost my shit and walked out yesterday vowing never to return.  Then I remembered my debt load and thought better of it.

This is a first for me.  I’ve handled lots of stress over the years but now I just don’t have the stomach for it anymore.  I cringe as I say this because I think of the old adage, “be careful what you wish for”.

I would be hard pressed to find another job that matches the pay, pension, benefits and flexibility this one offers.

Still though, I feel like I’ve had it and at times start to question the whole shebang.  It kind of sucks that this is what life is about.  Truly we are slaves to the grind.  I wonder if people are truly happier once they retire and their time is their own.

I have a weirdo friend/acquaintance who has gone off the grid about a year ago.  I think I am starting to understand why.  However, living in an RV in Canada is not my idea of a dream come true.

Sigh…if I could have one wish, it would be to be a successful writer and make loads of money so that I would never have to step foot in an office again.  What do you think?  Just a pipe dream?

Have you ever felt like just walking away from the daily and starting fresh somewhere else?

Looking forward to the labor day weekend. Happy Friday all!

240_F_110572059_51N2QUnbgpoZYuZsAw0UwcED1Lco6XR2