Well, this funk I am in seems to be settling in for the long haul. What is up with me? I just can’t seem to shake this feeling.
Sunday evening was the worst. I sat on the front step with my iPad, reading. The kitties were enjoying the fresh air and munching on the grass (only to toss their cookies minutes afterwards – why do cats do this?)
My funk turned into a deep sadness and sense of desperation. I started worrying that this feeling would never go away. I was mindlessly thumbing through memes and images and stumbled across this.
All of a sudden, it makes sense. I’m not saying that it feels any better, but it makes sense. I keep trying to keep these feelings at arms length and avoid them at any cost. Something tells me that until I learn to truly embrace solitude, it will forever hound me.
My life is in re-set mode. My nest is empty, my friends are still there, but are probably going through their own stuff as well, some are becoming grandparents (yikes!), some have met new loves and are caught up in that.
Maybe this feeling is greater than me. Like a child being preparing for his first day of school, clinging tightly to the hand of his parent, scared, but knowing this is a necessary step in growth, maybe this is God, the universe, karma, destiny (whatever) way of saying to let old things fall away and to be open to a new way of life.
Change is inevitable in all things. It’s not easy, but I think if I learn to accept it for what it is, I can keep my eyes and heart open. I think a person has to fully embrace and accept a situation in order to be able to get through it. Walk with it, hand in hand and then before you know it, it leaves your side and in walks sweet relief and joy once more.