Knobs – They’re Not Just For Doors.

I’ve been holding my tongue on this for a couple weeks now, but just can’t do it anymore.

A friend of mine has started dating again after an extended hiatus in the land of singletons.  When I heard this, I was super happy for her.  Truth be told, it gave me hope. Love post 40’s is not easy to find, my friends.

Let me give you a little background info on my pal.  We met through work over 10 years ago.  Since then she has moved to two different provinces, has held down a job with the government (which paid a pittance) and is one of the hardest working, professional, independent people I know.

When she moved to a small town in the Maritimes to be closer to her family, I was sad to see her go, but relieved that she would be near her kin.  Truth be told, I felt she was spending a little too much time focusing on her cats (shocker!) and on the internet, self diagnosing every little ache and pain.   Don’t get me started on the gluten free spree she was on, either.

She had a hard time finding work, but her efforts finally paid off.  She landed a position within the city’s legal system and finally starting to make a half decent living.

Well well!  Apparently she has been the belle of the ball at her new workplace.  One guy in particular has taken a shine to her.

At first she was hesitant to his invitations to go out, but I encouraged her to go for it.  She kept putting the guy off, wanting to wait until the weekend.  Apparently she does not go out on a school night.  Cheese and rice, girlfriend, you’re not getting any younger.  Throw out your tired old rule book and kick up your heels for once.  Playing it safe all the time is bo-ring!

So she accepted a date with him.  Now, here’s where the red flags start to slowly pop up. He would come in to her office every single day to firm up some minutiae detail of the upcoming Friday night date. Okay.

Then he would ask her every day if she was available for lunch.

So on the Thursday afternoon, she caved and went out for coffee.  Then later in the evening she sent me a text saying they went out after work.  I mistakenly thought they had rescheduled, but no.  This was a pre-date.

He changed their dinner and movie plans to go to a wrestling event.  That he won. Because that is the perfect first date.  Said nobody. Ever.

Apparently, on their pre-date, he showed her his tattoos.  He has a ….wait for it..DRAGON tattoo.  How original! Said nobody. Ever.  Then there’s the tattoo of a train that runs from one bicep, across his back and onto the opposite arm. Don’t even ask, the reason behind that is too lame to repeat.


Wanna see my tats?

I was reading her texts and out of my mouth flew “oh what a colossal knob”.  Who takes off their shirt on the firs date…correction pre-date?

The day after their first date, all of a sudden, my very private friend has changed her FB status to “in a relationship”.

Since then he has been doggin’ her FB page day and night.  He’s the first to comment on any post up there.  That is, when she can actually posts herself.  He does it all for her.

Out for breakfast with P.  Out for lunch with P.  What a beautiful day to have dinner with P.  Going for a walk with P.  I think of P day and night, every second of the day.  At the spa with P.

I’m just waiting for that post that reads “pinning P’s knees behind her ears”.

He reminds me so much of a former boyfriend who turned out to be a controlling lunatic.  I had to say something to her.  I was/am concerned.  She has been single for over 10 years and I think she is so craving attention that she has blinders on.

When I spoke to her about it, I cautioned her; if he introduces his kids into the mix too soon, run like hell.  That means he has been throwing his kids in there with everyone else he is dating and is a huge red flag.  Oh yes yes, she concurred. She agreed with me 150%.

The following week, he posted pictures of them out…..with his kids. Dude….

Speaking of the pics, in every single one of them, he is holding on to her like she’s being held captive.  Girlfriend, blink if you need help.  Now he’s posting pics of them smooching because we are all on the edge of seats wanting to see that.

He has now officially declared that he wants to meet her parents…..BAHAHAHAHA!  I swear, I’m not making this stuff up.  Clearly, Deputy Dufus has not progressed since high school.

The cherry on the sundae though, was a post he put up on her wall, letting us all know how he can’t wait until Friday night, cuz it’s movie night with his girlfriend and his “besties”.

Okay, can we talk?  If you were a high school girl, that would be adorable. However, you are not.  You’re a man in his 50’s.   You just made it weird.  I think it’s pretty safe to say at this point that the fact that you are licensed to carry a firearm for work is truly mind boggling.

Life in a small town…..this is the most awkward thing I’ve watched in a while.  Given this, I look at my single life and think “careful what you wish for, Chris”.


5 thoughts on “Knobs – They’re Not Just For Doors.

  1. First of all, if Ryan Gosling’s shirt just “accidentally” fell off and he asked if I wanted to see his tattoos, I wouldn’t object….

    But all the rest: O-M-G!! (can I channel Janice from Friends for that? Say it in her voice!) From my posts, you can see that I’ve had my share of red flag guys, but WOW.


  2. So many red flags and sadly sometimes all we can do is watch the people we love make terrible mistakes.
    At the end of the day we choose our own paths for better or for worse. Hopefully her path takes a brighter turn or possibly only ends up being a short detour before she realizes that path she chose is not right for her.


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