Losing Momentum

I’m feeling so frustrated.  As usual, I start off super motivated to follow a weight loss plan and to exercise, and then something happens.  The momentum dies and I go right back to not paying attention, not planning, not tracking my food.

If I would have remained diligent, I could have lost a good 10-15 pounds by now.  Why do I keep doing this to myself?  There must be some serious self loathing going on that I’m not paying attention to.

Part of me thinks “just quit whining and do it for crying out loud”.  What am I afraid of? Could that old saying that being afraid of success be true?  I’ve always thought that was a bunch of pop psychology crap.  Maybe there really is something to that.

I’ve been single for a while now.  Part of me would like to have someone special in my life, but there’s no way I feel confident enough to open myself up when I look like this. So of course then I try to project into the future.  What if I did lose the weight and was super healthy again?  Where would I even meet someone?  Online dating is just horrible.  There are so many fake profiles and scammers out there.  I’m not twenty something anymore.  What if I’m destined to be alone forever?  If that’s the case, why bother?  I’m invisible anyway so what’s the difference.  So I’ll just sit in my apartment and wait to die then.

No. No. No.  See what one little negative thought can lead to? That is why I need to become a better version of myself.  When I exercise and eat right, my mindset is positive and I am in a good place.

I have no idea what the future holds for me.  I’m hoping it is bright and positive and filled with love.    So that being said, it’s a beautiful morning here, I’m getting dressed and going out for a walk to soak up some sun.  Maybe I’ll even attempt a little run.

Have a great Sunday, all!

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