#Throwback Thursday! – Sidling Up to the Bar or Holding on for Dear Life. It’s Open to Interpretation

I’m just having way too much fun rediscovering old photographs of my hey days.  Here is a classic from the 80’s.  In this shot, my best friend and I were at a favorite stomping ground called Ralfies.  I’m the blonde with the big hair.

We partied. A lot.  Funny thing is though, I don’t recall either one of us ever taking our wallets out all that much.  It’s just as well because I think most of our wages must have been spent on hairspray anyway.

Just remember folks, friends don’t let friends tease their hair drunk.

TBT Karen and Chris

Holding on to the bar because a) obviously drunk, b) so much hair I might tip over or c) all of the above.

Happy Thursday everyone.

 

 

Binge

Seeing as how I wrote about purging yesterday, it’s only fitting that I write about bingeing. My latest obsession is Crave TV.  Although I’ve never been much of a couch potato….mmmm…potatoes..erhm.. sorry, distraction.., where was I?  Oh yes, TV.

I bought myself a new Smart tv as a Christmas present.  My antique boob tube was becoming a point of contention and embarrassment.  You know the kind, with the big bulging bubble in the back and weighs a ton.  It was a gift from a former love…in 2011.  I know.  That thing just would not die and I feel kind of guilty tossing something if it is still in good working condition.

All of my living room furniture had recently been upgraded and there was this beast, sitting in the corner looking awkward.  It was her or me.  She lost.

So now that I’m somewhat up to date with technology, I have rediscovered the joy of watching television in the evenings.  Trouble is, as with most things with me, I don’t know when to stop.  I have plowed through an entire season of “Billions” in a week’s time.  I can’t get enough, and now I’m working my way through season 2.  The end is near and I’m already having withdrawals.

It doesn’t sound very healthy, I know.  However, I’m also doing work outs in the morning via Youtube.  There’s a channel called Fitness Blender that offers amazing workouts that vary in length and intensity.  Love it!  I never though I’d be a morning exerciser, but with this, pfft..no problem-o.  It has encouraged me to toss all my workout DVDs and donate them to goodwill (remember yesterday’s post about purging?).  Hey, every little bit helps, right?  At least I’m moving, and I’m also de-cluttering.  Win/win.

 

Purging

I’m in total purge mode these days.  Let me clarify though, I’m not talking food (for once), but getting rid of stuff. Stuff stuff stuff (spoiler alert – I’m going to say “stuff” A LOT). Amazing how much we accumulate in a lifetime.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m am no hoarder. (I briefly dated one but that is a story for another post.  I will tell you about that one, promise)  If anything, people have always remarked that I am a minimalist in my home decor.

Where does all this “stuff” come from??  I moved in to this apartment two years ago.  After my son left the nest, a.k.a. the revolving door (the first time) I decided to downsize.  The night of the move, I started to panic.  The moving truck had pulled away and was en route to deliver my furniture to the new place, but there were no boxes left and a shit load of stuff still hanging around, waiting to be packed.

So we did what we had to…made about a gazillion and one trips back and forth by car, just piling stuff in every crevice of the car possible and literally dumping everything in the middle of the living room.  (I’m still apologizing to my two cats for that one – they hid for days)

By this time it was midnight and we were still not done.  I sat in the middle of my living room floor and was on the brink of a meltdown.  I was past the point of fed up and discouraged.  Let me tell you, it’s amazing how unattached you can become to some items when you just want to end your life with the tape gun and box cutter.

Turns out there was a whole lot of stuff I could very easily live without and they found their resting place in a pile about three feet high on the side of the curb ready for the trash.  My former landlord actually came out and started rearranging my cast offs.  Cheese and rice, buddy, seriously?

I guess I’m also metaphorically going through a purging ritual. As I’m learning to take care of my body and my soul, I’m throwing out all the garbage that I’ve been carrying around with me for far too long.  That stuff that has manifested itself in extra pounds and a sense of anxiety for many many years.

No more.  When this transformation of mine is done, I will be a new person, both inside and out.  It’s been a long time coming.

 

Sometimes Life Just Sucks, Then There’s Tomorrow…

To say this past week has sucked ass is the understatement of the century.  Yep, pull up a chair to the ole shit buffet.

It has been one thing after another. The emotional hits just kept coming.  All I’ve wanted to do this week is numb myself by shoving as much food down my pie hole that is possible and staring blankly at the tv.

To start, Saturday ended with my adult son and I getting into an argument which led to the “maybe it’s time you start thinking of moving out” talk.   We ironed out a financial plan for him to save for moving expenses and a couple months rent.

We even started looking at DIY videos on Youtube and deco ideas on Pinterest. Heck, he even opened up to the idea of having room mates.  He and two girls he knows started looking at apartment listings.  He was both scared and excited. And by “he” I mean “me”.

Then the rug was pulled out from under those plans.  Work is slowing down and his hours are being cut. Soooo, looks like that is on the back burner once again.   Sigh…

I know I sound like the world’s worst mom.  Really, I’m not.  I’ve been up and down with this lad since his teen years and I’m just plain tired now.  As much as I’m trying to focus on just me and my so called transformation, it’s really hard.  Multi tasking usually comes very easily to me.  When it comes to all the work that needs to be done on myself though, I have a tough time if there are any distractions.

As much as I love him, he is a distraction.  We seem to move from one crisis after another. He can be a really sweet young man, but he can also be very mean spirited and takes his frustrations out on me.

I don’t want to manage another person, I just want to manage me.  Is that really too much to ask?

Flashback Friday – Outing My Enabler

My editions of FBF will be a little different.  Since this is a blog about weight loss and the ups and downs that I will be subjecting myself to along the way, I thought I’d post stuff about where and when my love of food and issues surrounding that cropped up.

So here is where the trouble began.  We all know moms show love by feeding their kids.  Mine was no exception.  However, as I look at this pic, I can’t help but question her choice of a snack for a three year old child.  Really mom?  A bag of chips?  Whatever happened to fruits and cheese and veggies?  Also, did I really need to be eating outside on an obviously cold day?  Shouldn’t I have been running around and jumping in snowbanks or something? Lol!

It’s really interesting how things change over the years.  Back then this was a perfectly acceptable snack.  Today though, oh boy, parents would be subject to scrutiny and practically flogged in the town square for this infraction.

You’re not feeding little junior 100% organic everything and flying in crates of bottled water from Switzerland?  Oh my, your parenting skills suck and as soon as we finish this conversation, I’m calling youth protection on your ass.  Just sayin’.

So here I am, in all my little kid chubby glory.  I think I was cute as a little pudgy button.  Love you mom, I know you meant well.

Chips

At least I had the good sense to take off my mittens!

 

 

Death by Swimsuit

Ok, so I HAVE to start moving more.  My last post pretty much outed myself as living quite the sedentary life over the Winter months.  Hey, it gets cold in Canada, people.  Don’t judge.

Still undeterred and on a mission, I have registered for an aquafitness class.  The bonus is that I have a friend joining with me.  She just had a baby and wants to get back into shape.  Yay!

Confession time – I really freaking hate Weight Watchers meetings.  People get all fired up about getting a little sticker as an award for sticking with the plan or some other well intentioned but oh-so-lame-I-want-to-poke-my-eyes-out-with-a-rusty-fork show of support and encouragement.

It’s also pretty expensive to stand in line, get weighed and subsequently get bored out of our collective minds.  So, I switched to strictly the online plan.  I’m on the right track, I just needed that little kick in the butt to start.

Just because a gal is a little on the chubby side does not mean she can’t still put her best foot forward and still look nice.  That being said, this upcoming weekend will be spent bathing suit shopping.  I already have one and it’s super cute, but feel like treating myself anyway.

I know, I know, you’re thinking I’m nuts just about now. Swim suit shopping is right up there with root canal.  Watching little 20-somethings prance around the store in the teeniest of bikinis asking their boyfriends “does this make me look fat?” can be daunting, but I’m past the point of caring.  I have a right to look cute too, even if that means a little more fabric.  So there.

diving board

How I THINK I look when I’m swimming……

pool

Reality….

 

Stable

Hey hey hey!  So the latest news.  My weigh in last week was somewhat uneventful.  Or was it?  I did not lose an ounce.  However, I also did not gain anything.  I stayed exactly the same, which tells me that I’m doing something right.

I know I have to start moving more.  So, this week I’ve make little “tweeks” to my daily routine.  For one, I’m taking the stairs in the morning instead of the elevator at work. It’s only four flights, but my heart is racing by the time I get up there.  I’ve started doing a workout from home in the morning.  It’s only twenty or thirty minute routines, but gives me so much more energy throughout the day.

This time around, I’m doing things differently.  I used to be a slave to the gym and my routine was very militant.  Sure I got results, but I hated every freaking second of it.  Push push push.  Ugh…no more of that.  It’s just not fun.

My new mantra is variety is the spice of life.  So on the new and improved agenda will be aquafitness once a week, possibility of signing up for a clinic with The Running Room, and purchasing passes to the gym.  I’ve learned that I’m a bit of a commitmen-phobe and the thought of being tied into a year long membership is so not appealing.

So movement and nutrition needs are being met, but what about what takes place between my ears?  I’m talking motivation.  It’s just not enough to look in the mirror and say “you can do it”.  I need to hear other people’s struggles and accomplishments with their bodies. I need to see that proof is in the pudding…mmmm pudding..erhm, uhm, sorry, minor distraction there.

Last night I watched a really good documentary about a woman who transformed her post pregnancy body to swimsuit competition form.  Don’t take my word for it, check it out yourself on Youtube.  Her name is Elle Ip.  Your jaw will hit the floor when you see what she has accomplished and how.

I know I will attain my goals, I just have to stay focused and I have trouble with that.  Distractions come easily to me.  In the mean time, I’m having fun with this.  There’s something about focusing on just myself for a change that feels terrific.

Looking forward to stepping on the scale next week.  I’ll be happy with even the slightest loss.  One day at a time.