My Go-To Feel Good Place

Happy Sunday, dear reader. I trust you had a good weekend. Mine was mostly pretty good!

After a two week hiatus due to the weather, my good friend and I got up early Saturday morning and went for our weekly three hour hike in Mont. St.Hilaire. We logged in a total of about 10K. Not too bad for a couple gals who were huffing and puffing on the ascent from the parking lot at the beginning of the season! I don’t want to brag, BUT, my friend is 10 years younger than me and she was doing most of the huffing and puffing.

There is something about being in the mountains that is so very soothing for the soul. I had a miserable week due to sciatica (at least I hope that’s all it is) and the usual Friday night zinger from my boss, a.k.a. She Who Rides The Broom. No matter how well I have done all week, she will find SOMETHING to criticize. Miserable So and So.

Wishing five minutes of being there though, it all dissapeared. I was instantly in a good mood. The birds were singing, the sun reflected off the lake, the smell of freshness in the air, the sound of leaving swishing back and forth whenever a cool breeze would blow through. My Mecca.

There’s something pretty awesome about the hiking community. Save the occasional rude asshole on the trail that follows you so closely that you can practically feel their breath on your neck (it’s a Francophone Quebec thing), folks are pretty cool. I’ve had so many interesting little snippets of conversations here and there with total strangers.

There was a group of four men in their late 20’s, early 30’s training for a what we assumed was a Spartan race. One guy was having a bit of a time of it. Huffing and puffing and making all sorts of painful noises. He scared the hell out of us. When I saw him coming, I thought he was one of THOSE guys. You know the type. They’re at the gym and have to make a big noise to show everyone how hard you’re working. Dude, if you have to scream with every lift, you’re lifting too heavy.

Then another thought occurred to me….”OMG there’s a bear chasing him!!” So this is how it will end, we will be re-enacting a scene from the movie Revenant and get mauled to death by Yogi , Boo Boo and Smokey. Cue the blood bath. Nope (there are no bears in that region but I’m still terrified I will run into one some day. Well crap, now I have just put that out in the universe and have jinxed myself. It’s inevitable now).

Aaaanywaaay….about an hour later, close to summit, we ran into the loud dude, minus his three buddies. He was sitting on the side of the trail, looking a little bewildered. He asked us how well we knew the trail. He was debating if he should finish this trail or head back down. I was like, “Oh you will be fine. You only have about 30 minutes of climb and then it starts to even out”. My friend, who is the more compassionate and realistic one, advised him to head back down.

We chatted with him a little, and yup, he is training for the Spartan race. He started hyper ventilating and got scared. He admitted that he hadn’t trained in 6 weeks and hit a wall today. Perfectly understandable. It was crazy humid yesterday. We’ve all been there at some point. I joked that he had bad friends, leaving him behind like that. He said he was ok, just his pride was a little banged up. We told him he was doing a great job and that we had remarked as much when he first past us. Hopefully it gave him a big of encouragement and that his buddies were not too hard on him when they met up again.

So that was my day. Sciatica, humidity, pain. My calves are paying the price today for the over compensation in an effort to not strain my back and legs, but it was worth it. There was still no where else in the world I would rather have been. I hope to always be able to do this.

Things That Make Me Happy

I dont know about you, but it doesnt take much to make me happy. My beloved prodigal and I were reminiscing about the days when he was a wee lad. We didn’t have much, life was simple, but we were happy. We had our own little routine that did not always involve lots of people. Simple times, slower, less complicated.

I don’t need lots of material things to feel satisfied with life. It’s the things you can’t buy in a store that suit me just fine. That being said, I’m sharing some pics I snapped of my friend’s flower beds. She claims not to have a green humble, but I beg to differ.

Personally I prefer to grow my flowers from seed. I get a kick out of it. I feel all powerful as I nurse and care for my green babies. Ok, I water them. The rest is all encoded in a tiny little seed. Pretty amazing stuff. Dont you think?

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Hey…Remember Me?

So yeaaahh…I’m back. Again. What’s been going on with me? Loads…and I’m not just referring to the amount of weight I have gained since the onset of this blasted pandemic.

I don’t even know where to begin. This post will just be a trailer to all that is swimming around in my head and clamoring for attention.

Dating – oh boy. I have sporadically dated on and off, even during the pandemic. I have come to a conclusion….I’m done. If ever a decent, nice looking, non socially retarded man walks into my life, I will swing those doors wide open and usher him in. Until then though, no thank you.

Home Renos. Yup, just one year in and my bathroom needs an overhaul due to….drumroll please. Mold. In. The. Walls. Fantastic.

Buying a piece of land. The pull to the country and away from the city is becoming increasingly attractive. I’m hooked on those tiny house shows and container living. It sounds worse than it is, trust me.

Getting my shit together. I seem to be all over the place most of the time. It’s really frustrating. I’m pretty sure I am undiagnosed ADHD. Being so easily distracted and always having several things on the go and nothing getting finished is driving me absolutely bonkers.

Random thought – I started this blog years ago in an attempt to document my weight loss journey. Since having done so, the exact opposite has happened. I have GAINED. Ugh. We might be going back to the office in the next couple months, and unless muu muus make a comeback, I’m screwed.

So many things to do, learn, experience, and not enough time to do them. I feel like a hamster on a wheel most days. Work sure has a way of slowing you down, am I right? Kidding. Kind of.

Changes in WordPress. I can’t navigate as easily as I used to. My fault for being away so long.

Happy Easter!

Peeps! Happy Easter! Wow, it’s been so long that I have written that I am unfamiliar with how to navigate through WordPress. Looks like some changes happened since I last logged on.

This week marked my first year anniversary as a home owner. Isn’t that crazy? A whole calendar year has gone by since this blasted pandemic started and we are still in the thick of it. We’re at the beginning of the third wave in my neck of the woods.

The government has been handling this like a bunch of flying monkeys in a circus sideshow. Curfews, no curfews, lock downs, no lock downs, kids in school, kids not in school. For crying out loud, can you pick one and stick to it before we all collectively lose our minds.

My prediction is that we will have a total of six waves. I don’t think this will end any time soon.

Well, enough about that. Today will be spent relaxing and then off to church at 4pm. Speaking of church, my beloved prodigal has started showing an interest in attending. Finally! I can’t tell you how happy that makes me.

Allrighty, have yourselves a wonderful Sunday! Talk soon.

C

Excuse me, Bugs, but where’s your mask?

10 January 2021

Just some random thoughts on our lifestyles during the pandemic and now imposed curfew in my neck of the woods. As hard as I found it in the beginning, I have started getting used to being comfortable with limited contact and being at home most of the time.

Prior to Covid-19, I was always on the go and all over the place. It took its toll on my energy and on my pocket book. Truth be told, I had a hard time sitting still and just enjoying the comfort of my home.

I also took for granted the little things in life. That tends to happen when you’re caught up in the daily grind.

Take for example how I spent my Saturday. I got up early, picked up a friend from church and we went to the sanctuary to take down the Christmas tree and store the decorations for another year. It felt so good to be in the sanctuary, taking our time removing each ornament. I stood back and took a couple minutes to appreciate the rich jeweled tones. So pretty. I held one up and looked at it as if it was the first time I have ever seen a Christmas bauble.

Not long after that, I felt my blood sugar dropping. I didn’t have the time to have coffee or breakfast and had thrown a banana in my bag for a snack. Don’t ask me why, but I’m coo-coo for bananas lately. Ordinarily I would be gulping it down as I multi-tasked. Instead, I took the time to sit back, relax and eat slowly.

I know I might sound like a whack job, but hear me out. Have you ever taken the time to appreciate all the different varieties of fruits and vegetables we have access to. Isn’t it amazing how each one has its own distinct shape, color, smell, taste and texture? Mind blown.

Honestly, part of me is now embracing how the world has slowed down. It’s giving me the chance to literally stop and smell the roses (or bananas). Colors seem to just pop like never before. Tastes, smells, and sounds and smells have all intensified. I feel like my soul is being nourished like never before.

Look at me, getting all hippy-dippy. Who would have thunk it?

08 January 2021

Well so much for writing Every. Single. Day. That lasted a whole hot minute, didn’t it? I am grateful to still have a job during this pandemic but boy does it get in the way of savoring every little minute of life. The rat race stinks.

My first week back was not too bad. We are swamped and overloaded, but I managed to keep my cool and take everything in stride. We’ve got a mock FDA inspection in a week’s time and documents to be filed are just coming out of the wood work, left right and center. Aaaaaaand where were these documents hiding all this time, exactly? Sigh…this industry never changes in that regard. Semi-retirement, I am counting the days.

My boss was actually nice this week. Fingers, toes and eyes crossed that it will last.

In other news, how about those animals storming senate in Washington this week….I have no words. I will say this, though. The likelihood that these shit disturbers care a lick about politics is highly unlikely. Any excuse to wreak havoc and make trouble is the agenda, I’m sure.

Closer to (my) home – we are officially under lockdown curfew starting tomorrow night. Did I go to sleep and wake up in the middle of Europe during World War II? What the hell…

Don’t get me started about how the Quebec government is handling this. Ten months into a pandemic and they are driving us nuts with the constant flip flop back and forth of rules. Everybody stay home and businesses are closed, but kids are allowed back in school.

Oh yeah, this won’t be ending any time soon.

Thanks for stopping by.

04 January 2020

Today was my first day back to the grind. I am pooped. Everybody was really nice, but the place is still a disorganized train wreck. I had to pop an Atavan minutes before a meeting. I hate the meetings that last more than an hour because it gives the people more time to spin themselves and the rest of us in a vortex of confusion and never ending what ifs scenarios. Given a choice of living another year with this pandemic or continuing on this particular project, COVID wins, hands down.

The prodigal came over yesterday and I was helping him fill out his passport application. Then he started talking to me about his live in girlfriend. He sure can pick ’em is all I have to say. She is a nice enough girl, but they all seem to have some issue or another. Sigh….

Anyhoo, I’m too pooped to write anymore, so it’s nighty night for me.

Thanks for stopping by, see you tomorrow.

03 January 2021

Last day of complete freedom! I’m ready to go back to work tomorrow and I’m actually looking forward to it. Never thought I’d hear myself say that.

During my sick leave, I had a talk with my financial advisor about the possibility of an early semi-retirement in about five year’s time. He crunched the numbers and said that yes, it was absolutely possible.

My heart sang. I felt like I’ve been given a new lease on life. Just the thought of being able to walk away from this crazy industry I have been working in for the last 20 years of my life is so appealing. It’s also scary as hell. I don’t want to be one of those people who just end up sitting on the sofa all day watching television and becoming obsolete and irrelevant. Even though that’s all I basically did while on sick leave, and I did appreciate the time to do so because I needed to re-set and make my world slow down, there’s a danger in becoming complacent in life as a result.

That being said, I’ve been thinking of ways to reinvent myself for the past year or so. I thought of Events Management Planning for a while. I almost signed up (at the tune of about $8K for distance learning), but then the pandemic hit. Suffice it to say that this might not be the best time to go into that industry. I’m not as dumb as I look, folks.

Then I thought of real estate. The market in Montreal is booming and everyone and their aunty Fanny is taking realtor courses. The problem….everyone and their aunt Fanny is taking realtor courses. Just the thought of being in another super stressful and competitive industry makes my stomach turn. It’s really not how I want to start the second chapter of my life.

This this morning I had an epiphany. I know exactly what type of business I want to start now and I’m so fired up about it that I can hardly contain myself. I’d love to tell you what it’s all about, but when something this big means so much to me, I tend to keep it to myself. I’m selfish that way; I don’t want to share it with anyone else until the time is absolutely perfect.

I will say that never in a million years would I have thought of this particular industry. Sometimes money is really not everything. You have to be happy doing what you do in life, that way it does not become work, but a labor of love. Of course, the “sensible” side of me is saying this idea is totally ridiculous and have I lost what’s left of my marbles.

I’m doing my best to shut my inner critic down as soon as those negative ideas crop up. When that little asshole comes out to play, I remind it of the author J.K. Rowling. You know her, right? She’s the brains behind the Harry Potter novels. She was a single mother, struggling, and next thing you know, Poof!, uber successful author. Before you get ahead of yourself, this newfound calling has nothing to do with writing a book.

A couple weeks ago I came across a quote from the late great Walt Disney that has resonated within me. “If you can dream it, you can do it.” Love it.

Thanks for stopping by, see you tomorrow.

Chrissie B

It’s Not Going To Work Out Between Us And Here’s Why. Scenario #5

Oh man, I nearly forgot about this guy. We never actually met. He was too terrified to meet people during the pandemic. We had started chatting one night on the dating site and the conversation was flowing, but there were lags and delays due to the time of the day and the server being overloaded, I guess.

We started texting. His name was Victor, which kind of made me cringe. Why? Because, that was my dad’s name. I was maybe getting ahead of myself, but let’s pretend for a minute that we ever were intimate. Not you and me – me and Victor. (Just thought I’d make that clear, given my questionable behavior this Summer…aaaaanyway…..) I just couldn’t imagine myself, in the throes of passion, calling out my dad’s name. Eeeewwwwww.

We even spoke a couple times but honestly, his voice was bland, his conversation was bland, he was bland. You now when you’re trying to figure out if you can force yourself to be attracted to someone? Well, that’s what I was doing.

I would go back to the website we met on and look at his pictures to see if his appearance would ignite any sparks at all. Nope. Nothing.

To make matters more awkward, he would send me a message each time he saw I was online. I felt like he was keeping tabs on me. Aren’t you supposed to be quiet about your stalking?

We were still texting and then he asked if I ever got “frisky” Eeew. Why do men do that? It’s such a turnoff, especially when you haven’t even met in person yet. When you reach your 50’s, try classing it up a bit, will ya? Also, who says frisky anymore?

I don’t know about you, but I kind of like leaving certain things to the imagination. Let’s face it, if you are dating someone, it’s kind of a given that at some point you will be intimate. Why the need to discuss before-hand? When that happens, this weird visual happens in my head. I imagine the guy standing in front of someone’s window, naked under a trench coat, waiting to flash passersby.

Shortly after this exchange, I started pulling back and not responding to his texts or phone calls right away. When I did finally speak to him, I lied. I said that I was introduced to a friend of a friend and we hit it off and wanted to see if it was going to lead to anything. He said he had a feeling I had met someone else. Geez….the possibility that it was just him that was not appealing never even occurred to him. Whatever.

So, yeah, another one added to the ”next” list.

02 January 2021

Two days left of freedom. On Monday, the 4th of January, I am back to work after a month off due to sick leave. I thought I would have a hard time not working for an extended period of time, but I was wrong. I loved it. My first couple days felt so weird. I was concerned that I would be riddled with more anxiety, but the little happy pills my doc prescribed took care of that. Thank God for meds.

I didn’t realize how bad I have been feeling until I started feeling better. This time off has been a blessing. I basically just lied on my couch most of the time with my kitties and Netflix. It was my personal re-set and it was much needed. I am starting to feel like myself again and ready to go back with a renewed sense of confidence and strength. I’m ready for that miserable bitch otherwise known as my line manager. I will always opt for a pleasant work environment, but trust me, I will no longer be biting my tongue when it comes to her.

On to more positive things – I ended the year 2020 by ”finding” a long lost cousin. Actually, correction, I am the long lost cousin who decided to find family members. It’s a long complicated story, but after my father died I cut ties with his side of the family. They roped me into a lie that I could no longer stomach – they were keeping my father’s death a secret from his own mother. They cited the bullshit excuse of “it would kill grandma if she knew”. Soooo…..you’re telling me that letting an old woman think that her first born has just up and cut off all contact with her with no explanation at all is the better option? You people are warped. The fact that all 10 siblings agreed to this is proof that they all have a dark side that I am happy to stay away from.

I’m a mom, and let me tell you, if my beloved son were to just disappear without a trace one day, THAT would kill me. It would hurt me every single day, not knowing why he no longer speaks to me, and I would for sure be worrying, wondering if he is ok.

Anyway, it was nice to speak with my cousin. I also found another cousin, and she was happy to hear from me. That’s the only two that I care to stay in touch with. There are only two remaining aunties left, and according to my cousin, they are still as toxic as ever. They both contacted me. I was kind and cordial, but I will never let them in entirely again. Just writing about this makes me feel sick.

You can pick your friends, but you can’t pick your family, right?

Have a great day, talk to you tomorrow.

Chrissie B